Saturday, November 29, 2008

Every journey starts with a single step...

I have been doing a lot of reading and thinking and therapy and working on myself lately. One of the things that I've found out the hard way is that things that we refuse to deal with, process and work out have a way of making you deal with them. One day we just come face to face with what isn't working and we either find a way to cope with them (deny and ignore) or find a way to work through them. I've chosen to work through them and that decision is making all the difference. As time goes on I will share those pieces of that that I can and I will try to share what I learn along the way. In the meantime, I want to share some books that I've been reading that have helped me tremendously and they are books that anyone can find inspiration from. You don't have to be depressed, in a crisis, or having anything "wrong" in your life to benefit from these books. In fact, I wish I'd read these books a long time ago.


There are other books, but I will share those later. I am also seeing a therapist and it's one of the greatest tools I've found. It is important to find a therapist that you can feel comfortable with and that you feel safe to share your deepest unspoken thoughts with. Something happens in the therapist's office that is unexplainable. When we speak our truth we often hear it for the first time ourselves. I'm leaning about tools to heal the hurt parts deep inside of me that I've never verbalized before. It's one of the greatest gifts I've ever given myself. My therapist's name is Chuck and I have come to think of Tuesdays as "Tuesdays with Chuck". I look forward to going and every time I've been amazed by at least three things that I hear coming out of my mouth that I hadn't even realized I had hidden deep inside of me. Here I am fifty years old and I feel like for the first time in my life I'm finding out who I am and how to take care of myself.

Life is a journey. We all take meandering paths down very different roads at different times in our lives on the way to becoming our authentic selves. Some of us take longer than others to start the journey. But what I've learned is that a crisis, or a depression can be the best thing that can happen to us. When we are faced with our inability to cope with something and we feel broken and lost in the middle of the road there is nothing left to do except reach out for help and try to find a map to get us back on the road in our journey. That's where I've been the past several weeks. I will attempt, at times, to share some of what I'm learning here in the hope that my struggles, my journey and the things that I discover along the way can help someone else realize that the journey and the pain are worth it.

I promise not to turn this journal into doom and gloom, I"m most definitely not a doom and gloom kind of gal. There will be happy things to report and hopefully some funny stories to share, but I'm trying to learn to speak my truth (in as much as I can in a public forum), to stand up for myself and to demand better of myself. This will not be easy for me but I know it to be necessary. I know that the journey will never be complete, that it will be an ongoing trek for as long as I breathe, but I also know that every mile that I complete will bring me closer to the person that God intended for me to be and that along the way many gifts await.

In keeping with the new journey....I'm changing the look around here. There may be many changes until I find the look that feels like me. The theme here is all about accepting we go!!!


Cindi said...

Keep you head up, your feet clear of any obstacle and you'll make it thru anything!

Terri said...

Wonderful entry!

I hope your "Tuesdays with Chuck" help you travel down this road a little more easily...without so many bumps in the road...helping you become who you once were...finding yourself and accepting yourself for who you are...a wonderful person!

Congrats on your MA Award!!

Big Hugs!

garnett109 said...

Enjoy Your Weekend

Paula said...

Sounds like you are on the way to a happier life as finding yourself. Good luck and will look forward to reading more about your journey.

Missie said...

Your entry was very inspiring! Change is good!

Leslie said...

You are very brave and I think that it is great that you are moving forward and trying to accept change in yourself. We'll be here to help you along the way.

kbear's heart 2 said...

I applaud you for beginning your journey. there is no better reward that unveiling that true self within you, the essence of who you truly are. although painful at times, it will give you the wisdom to a better life. you are already better for just opening that door. i anxious wait to hear more about it. you're in my thoughts and prayers. HUGZ~kbear

Caroline said...

I am new to your blog... I really enjoy your honesty! I love journeys...they might not be easy, but how would we ever grow? My favorite poem in the world is by Robert Frost...The Road less traveled.

I look forward to reading more...

Debbie said...

Melissa, it's great to hear that you are finding YOU along the cobblestones of life's journey. I do feel that when we reach our 50's we see life much differently than we did when we were younger, I know I do. Thank you for allowing us to walk beside you on your journey.

Wes said...


I love that life can teach us lessons that school could not. It is painful sometimes, but after the pain fades away, the joy is amazing! Life is like a roller coaster it has its ups and downs. And it can be one hell of a ride! :)


Monica said...

What a wonderful entry. I've been going through a new journey myself and it's good to remind myself that every journey started with a single step and it allows us to see how far we've come. Wishing you the best on your journey.


Janie said...

That is good that you enjoy your Thursday with Chuck. Hope things go really well. Thank you for sharing. Have a blessed week. Hugs, Janie

E. Michelle said...

Hi there,

This is my first stop by your blog and I really enjoyed this post. I've been going through something very similar and I too have realized that when you repress emotions, they will eventually make you take notice! But, really this is probably the greatest and most wonderful opportunity for growth that could possibly be given to you.

Great post!