You won't believe these pictures!!!

I'm sorry. I can't help it. I am madly in love with this new little person that will soon be entering our lives and I'm afraid that I just have to admit that I'm absolutely going to be one of those obnoxious grandmothers who talks about her grandchild to anyone who will listen. And....even if they don't listen, I'm still gonna talk about him.

Sarah had her medical ultrasound on Thursday, but this morning they went for the non-medical 3D ultrasound. I thought the picture of his face in the last one was incredibly clear. Well....that was nothing compared to THESE!!!!

He is SMILING!! In the womb, he's smiling!! Know why? He knows that he has a grandmother waiting for him that is going to be completely blind to any faults he might ever have!

Along with a cd of 39 still pictures, they also got a dvd of tons of video of him moving around with a baby themed soundtrack. Priceless! I love this one of him with his mouth open


I love this one too. It's like he's bored with this whole picture taking thing and he's thinking, "Would you all PLEASE just let me grow in peace?" They also say he's "chunky", get a load of the meat on his little arm....and he's got 11 more weeks to grow! His mother weighed 9 pounds 1 ounce. I can't wait to see how much he weighs.


Check out his meaty little thigh.

He looks exactly like his father.

I love the definition of his lips ( exactly like his daddy's). Don't know what's up with that shadow across his nose.

How will I ever wait another 11 weeks?

Look at this face!!!!! Sweet Brooks.

Our life is so incredibly busy at the moment that I barely get to check email anymore, but when Sarah Kate shared this picture with me from her ultrasound today I just knew I had to get on here and show him off!

Can you believe that little face? It's almost like an actual photograph instead of an ultrasound. The US tech says that he is a big baby. Expected weight at this stage is about 2.5 pounds and he is about 3.1 pounds today. All I know is that I absolutely cannot wait to get my hands on him. I've been collecting all my "Grandma supplies" and by the time he gets here I'll be all set up.

They are continuing to do a lot of ultrasounds and Sarah is doing great. She does have placenta previa and it's not showing any signs of moving. If it doesn't she will have to have a c-section which she is upset about, but hey, healthy baby and mom is the only thing that matters.

Patrick and Amber closed on their house and he's moved in to it. I would say that I miss him, but we've been over there painting and fixing up ever since he moved in and I'm heading back there in the morning. It's so much fun that it doesn't feel like work. I have taken a lot of before pictures and will post them along with the after pictures as we get things done.

I'm hoping that at some point soon things will settle down and I'll have more time to play here.

I'm alive, just buried in projects

You all probably thought I got lost somewhere along the way between Florida and home since I haven't posted a single thing since before we left. But I did, indeed, make it home in one piece. But I don't feel like my feet have much more than touched the ground since we got home two weeks ago. We had a GREAT time! We did a lot of hanging out with Emily and Wendell, laid around the pool a couple of days, went to Universal Studios a couple of days, visited my parents at their retirement community for a day and a night, and did some decorating of Emily and Wendell's condo. The best part though, was sitting up late at night and just girl talking with Emily and Sarah Kate. I was truly in Paradise!! While walking around at Universal, I looked up and saw "Paradise" in lights on a building and just had to take the above picture.

On one of the days that Emily had to work while we were there, Sarah, Austin and I went to WONDERWORKS. Below are Sarah and Austin playing in giant bubbles.



Emily and Austin playing with the giant shark at Universal Studios.



Since we've been home I've been working like a Trojan on my "to do list". I am bound and determined to get the deck finished. It was on my list for last year, but I just procrastinated myself right out of doing it and I've been kicking myself all winter for not doing it. Soooo, I've jumped in with both feet and I will get it done or die trying. Actually, one of the reasons I didn't get it done before was because I kept changing my mind about what color I wanted to use. I've waffled back and forth on many choices. I finally decided on doing the rail and corner sections white and painting (staining) the actual floor the same putty color as the siding in the back of the house. I'm so happy that I decided to go with the white.


The wrought iron table and chairs were painted green and I decided to paint them black and I'm loving the change, I bought some pretty chair pads for the chairs and I can't wait to get it all put together. I love how the black pops against the white. And I can't wait to see how the colors of my flowers will pop against the white. You can see a little bit of the siding in the following picture. That's what color the floor is going to be.


In other news, Patrick and Amber have a new baby! They are closing on their house at the end of May and when Amber heard about a new litter of Yellow Labs, they just couldn't resist getting one. You need a little back story here. Patrick has always LOVED "Old Yeller". Even as a little boy he would say that someday he was going to have a Yellow Lab and he was going to name him "Yeller". My Patrick is such a soft hearted guy. A couple of years ago, Austin had a little friend spending the night. As we were eating dinner, Austin turned to his little friend and said, "After dinner we'll watch "Old Yeller" and you can watch Patrick cry!". He's 29 years old next month and he still cries every time Old Yeller gets shot So, now he finally has his yeller dog. He is so cute and we've all fallen in love with him. I will miss him when Patrick and he move to the new house next month.

Speaking of their new house, here it is. It is a tri-level with an in ground pool out back (I think the pool was was what sealed the deal). They have a lot of work ahead of them. While the house is sound, there are a lot of cosmetic things that need to be done to bring it up to date. It's stuck in the 70's if you know what I mean. We will be spending a lot of time cleaning, painting and landscaping over there and it will be a lot of fun. I will take before and after pictures and share them with you as we go.

Here it is from the back...I foresee many good times in this back yard.

As if tackling the deck wasn't enough of a project, I am also working on refinishing my grandfather's 97 year old high chair, and I swear I think it had 97 coats of paint on it. I've never stripped an old piece of furniture before and I had no idea what a slow process it is. I bet I have at least 12 hours in this project already and I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere, I just keep telling myself that it will all be worth it when I see little Brooks and all the grands to follow sitting at my table in their great, great grandfathers chair.

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And speaking of Brooks!!!!! Here is Sarah at 23 weeks. He's growing fast and we can't wait to get our hands on him.

Well, it's time to get back to my projects. I'll eventually get caught up with everyone, I promise.

Ohhh, there is something in the works here that has been long prayed for and anticipated. I can't give you any more details right now but please hold good thoughts for the signing of contracts. I promise to give alll the details when I can.

The gift of time...

You know that quote about best laid plans? Well, mine went right out the window last night. We had some friends stop over and my timeline, which was tight beyond belief anyway went by the wayside. The things I needed to do would have kept the household awake with me all night so I just had to give up.

So, wonder of wonders, the staffing office called as I was getting ready for work and put me on call for the 3-11 shift and called me off entirely for the 11-7 shift., I just got handed 16.5 hours to get it all done. Woo hoo!

Someone asked in email where Emily and Wendell live, they live in Orlando. So, Chris, I'll wave as we go through Knoxville! And Lynn, I'll be throwing you a wave as well. Is there anyone else I'll be driving past on our way?

Jimmy just called and suggested that since Sarah Kate is off work tomorrow we should just take Austin out of school tomorrow and hit the road either tonight or in the morning. It would give us a whole extra day so I'm thinking about that. Austin wanted perfect attendance this year, but he's already missed one day early in the school year. He'll get some kind of recognition for only missing one day so I think I'll leave it up to him to decide.

Okay, well, I guess it's time to make the most of my found hours.

Road Trip!!

Sarah Kate, Austin and I are loadin' up and heading to Florida to spend a week with Emily and Wendell on Friday. Can you EVEN guess how excited we are?

I have to work one more double shift tomorrow and sleep fast on Friday and then when I get up Friday afternoon, we're heading out. Austin is on Spring Break next week and we decided it was the perfect time to go. Sarah's morning (all day) sickness has almost completely subsided and she's up for it.

My Mom and Dad winter in Florida (Lake Wales), so we'll be heading down to spend two days and a night with them also. Austin will get in some good fishing time with Grandpa, hopefully. If not, he'll enjoy tooling around in Grandpa's golf cart in their little retirement park. We'll be hitting Disney at least one day as well. Other than that, I plan on vegging and just enjoying my kids!

Somehow, I have to figure out how to get all the laundry in this house done, pack our bags, make sure Jimmy and Patrick have enough grub to hold them over and clean the house before I go to bed tonight. Oh well, I always work better under pressure.

NEW TEMPLATE COMING!!

The amazing Brandi of Excess Baggage is working on a new template for my digs here. I'm so envious of the creative people who can do this. I can't wait to see what she comes up with, so stay tuned for the big reveal.

Other things I've learned along the way...

How about some pretty pink today. Can't wait to see this in my yard again!


I've loved reading all your comments and emails about your thoughts on God/religion/spirituality. It makes me wish we could all be together in a cozy room with a fireplace and lots of comfy chairs to sit around and discuss things. Wouldn't that just be so much fun?

I've finished The Shack now and I hated to see it come to an end. I handed it to Patrick after I finished and asked if he'd like to read it. I told him that this is probably the most profound book I'd ever read (I've read a looooooot of books!). One of the reviews on the book said that it would forever change the way you think about God. For me, this is very true. On second thought, maybe that's not true. I think a truer statement would be that it confirmed for me the way I think about God.

After reading it, I did a google search and was not surprised to find some very hostile reviews by Christians. While I already knew there was some controversy surrounding The Shack, I was, nevertheless, saddened to read many of them. I truly believe that there will be many many people who will read The Shack who've always felt outside of God's love and Grace. And I believe that while reading this book they will discover that God does indeed love them. How in the world can that be seen as evil?

Many in the Church are determined to paint God as a tyrant, making demands that make it seemingly impossible to perform. They are so caught up in doctrine that they lose the very essence of God's message which was all about love. It's not about doctrine, it's about a relationship with God. It's about loving one another. It's truly a case of not seeing the forest for the trees. They have no idea of the damage they do to people who are hungry for a relationship with God. It saddens me more than I can begin to put into words. It saddens me because they did that to me for a very long time.

I've said before that everyone has their own path and their own journey. It's not for me or anyone else to tell someone that their path is wrong. I believe that God will meet us on whichever path we choose. My path feels right for me and I've found God waiting for me at every twist and turn since I began my search in earnest. I've found Him to be bigger and more loving than my churchgoing taught me. I came to him out of love and not duty and that has made all the difference.

There are many, and some of them in my own family, who will shake their heads and despair for my lost soul because of my beliefs. That's okay. I know what I know about my relationship with God. It is well with my soul.

I was raised Protestant and married a Catholic. It wasn't until after I was married that I found out that the Catholic Bible has books in it that are not in my Protestant Bible. Hmmm, I wondered, why is that? I was young and busy and didn't really give it much thought until several years ago when I realized that my relationship with God felt very small and insignificant. I was hungry but I didn't know exactly what I was hungry for. Then one day I realized that I was hungry for a true and personal relationship with God. In my search to find him I had to determine why I felt I'd lost that. I realized that I didn't trust Him and didn't feel his love for me because of all the seemingly inconsistent pictures the Bible painted of Him. In other words, I was commanded to love him out of fear for my soul. The threat of hell was ever present in my mind. I wanted to love Him because He was my Father and Creator, but when I got real honest with myself I couldn't determine if I was motivated from fear or love. But the Church or more truthfully, the people in the Church while they talked about Grace at times, surely weren't modeling it. So, if these two bibles don't have the same books, why is that? It's because Man decided what books "we" needed to base our lives on. See, it always muddies the water when "Man" tries to set the rules. I had always been taught that the Bible was the infallible word of God. Oh really? Then which one is the infallible version? The Catholic one or the Protestant one? This revelation set me on a search of just how we got the Bible in the first place and wouldn't ya know it, man was picking and choosing alllll along the way. I'm not going to say that I don't believe anything in the Bible because that would not be true. I will admit though that I have major questions about some of the teachings and there is no one on earth that can possibly answer those questions. Which means that I have to rely on God alone to lead me where he wants me to go. My brother (the preacher) thinks that is heretical. He says I have let "my ears be tickled" by untruths. All I can say is that I love God more than I ever did when it felt like a duty to be performed. I feel closer to God than I ever have in my life and I know that even if I'm wrong, his love and grace are big enough to cover me. THIS is a relationship, not an attempt to keep my self out of hell. The true hell for me was feeling outside of this relationship.

Being a mother has taught me what Grace is. My children loving me out of fear would not be love. I want my children to love me because they love me! They can't love me if they fear me. And the Grace part comes in when I realize that I love them whether they love me or not. Grace is love unconditional. Grace is a gift, unearned. Grace covers all. God's Grace loves me and redeems me even when I'm undeserving. THAT is the message of The Shack and many "men of God" have a problem with that. It boggles my mind.

Many certainly don't agree with me. That's okay. I mean absolutely no offense to anyone and would not even begin to suggest that your beliefs or religion is wrong. God is a loving Father and He is so much bigger than all our differences.

How God taught me what Grace means

It wasn't until I became a mother that I truly knew what unconditional love really meant. The simple fact is that my love for my children is not something that can be measured. It is a love that knows no bounds and there is absolutely nothing that they could do that would make me not love them. Have I liked everything they've done or said in their lives? No! Are they perfect? No. But by virtue of being mine ( I don't mean this in a possessive way) it would be impossible for me to not love them and want the absolute best for them.

I mentioned in an earlier post that Emily felt lost to us for several years when she was with her ex husband. That estrangement was the darkest period of my life. Looking back now, I see that God used that time to teach me a very valuable lesson about love, forgiveness, trust, the power of God's love for us, and maybe most importantly, what Grace really means. During that four year period I was all over the place emotionally. I started out being broken hearted and that lasted for a long time. I then moved into anger and was so angry at her husband that it literally felt at times that it would eat me alive. I then went through a period of feeling numb and became very depressed. I felt as invisible to God as a person can feel. There was no comfort to be found anywhere. I couldn't imagine living the rest of my life with this gaping hole in my heart that only Emily could fill. With the way things were between us and with the power that her husband had over her I didn't see how there could ever be a solution. The word "forgiveness" kept showing up in my reading. I knew I should forgive and in fact had to forgive this man who had, in my mind, stolen my daughter from me. This man was abused as a child, he comes from a family riddled with mental illness and knowing this allowed me to be sympathetic towards him to a degree. So I began to try to forgive him for the vile things he had said to us and for causing such heartache in our family. I stumbled and fell A LOT in my efforts here. I just kept praying that God would give me His heart to forgive because my human one felt very inadequate for the job. It wasn't something that happened overnight but over time I could feel the anger lifting from me. One day I just realized that I had forgiven him and that dark energy in my heart towards him was just gone. He became someone that I felt so very sorry for and I can even say that there were moments when I was able to feel some degree of love for him. It wasn't a warm and fuzzy kind of love, but it was a love that I don't think I would have been capable of without my knowledge of how a mother loves. The mother in me was able to recognize the terribly wounded child that was inside of him. If ever there had been a little boy who needed a parents healing love, it was him. So I started with that little glimmer of love and forgiveness and just rested with it. I decided that I could love them from where I was and my love for them and most especially for Emily wasn't contingent upon having that love and acceptance returned. She was my daughter and there was nothing she could do that would put her outside of my love for her. While I still missed the closeness of a day to day relationship with her, that hole in my heart was filled up with the love that "I" felt for her. I just had a knowing in my heart that someday she would be back in our lives and however long that took was just going to be however long that took.

It was at about that time that I realized that is how God must love us!!! I had been angry at God for quite a while because I felt like there were so many rules to follow and so many hoops to jump through to be worthy of God's love and it just felt like an impossible feat. How could anyone live up to the expectations of God?

If I, as a woefully flawed human mother, could love my child so much that even her refusal of that love couldn't diminish it even the tiniest bit, then surely God in His perfectness must love us the same way! I finally understood what Grace was all about. We don't save ourselves. God's Grace is the gift of a loving parent

Thankfully, Emily left her husband and so much healing has happened in our family in the past year. We now have the best relationship we've ever had and I thank God for that every single day. But I know that even if that had not happened I would still love her the same. The child may go away and turn their back on the love that is offered, but the parent loves them anyway. There was no way that she could escape the love I have for her. She didn't have to accept it. It was there anyway. I finally truly understood the story of the Prodigal Son. But more importantly, I finally truly understood the love of God and what Grace was all about.