Thursday, October 9, 2008

This is an entry I didn't want to do

I have avoided making this entry. Wasn't sure that I would. Still don't know if I should do it just now but something just doesn't feel right about not doing it now. Maybe some extra prayers and good energy sent her way will help out. Lord only knows I've been praying for them.

You all already know about Sarah and Bennie's struggle with infertility and her miscarriage in April. The thing is that when you're going through infertility treatment it's all about science. Well, that's not entirely true, I believe that God's hand is very much involved. Anyway, what I mean is that there are constant blood tests, ultrasounds to check on the size of eggs, embarrassing trips to little rooms for Bennie to do "his part", medications to take, sterile clinical settings to endure, and countless hours spent in the grip of worry and anxiety. What should be a wonderful time in a couple's life becomes a very stressful and expensive exercise in seeming futility.

The reason that their news was supposed to be secret for now is because they find out they're pregnant so very soon. They know because the infertility doctor's are so on top of what is going on almost every day after the insemination. It has only been two weeks since the insemination. She felt so bad last time that she had told people and then she felt bad that so many people had to feel so bad for them when she miscarried. She wanted to spare other people the sadness this time if it didn't work out. I haven't told any other family or friends (just you guys).

In April she told me everything that was going on daily and I anxiously awaited the pregnancy test with her. This time, because she wanted to spare me the anxiety of those days, I didn't know that they had made another attempt. She wasn't going to tell me until she was at least 8 weeks along. But bless her heart, she was so excited she couldn't keep the news to herself. And I'm glad that she didn't. When she told me Sunday that she was pregnant she told me that she was having more blood work drawn on Tuesday to check her hcg level. They wanted that number to be at least 100. It was only 7. Her doctor told her to come back on Thursday and they would redraw it. They are absolutely heartbroken. I, being the eternal optimist that I am, said that maybe the little swimmers had swam an extra day or two and maybe, just maybe her hcg level hadn't had time yet to climb. She wasn't buying it. She sounds resigned to the fact that she's lost another pregnancy. She has terrible endometriosis, cysts on her ovary and a scarred tube on the other side. It seems they are easily able to get her pregnant with the insemination but she can't seem to sustain the pregnancy.

Tomorrow, she will go for the blood work. I will look forward to and at the same time dread the phone call that I will receive at some point tomorrow. We need a miracle here.

I am not above asking for prayers and miracles.

22 comments:

Debbie said...

I'm so sorry to hear this news. I believe in miracles and will keep all of you in my prayers.
Hugs,
Debbie

garnett109 said...

My thoughts and prayers are with her and her husband

Janis said...

Will be keeping you and your family in prayers. Infertility is such a horrible, heart breaking issue to deal with. May God bless them with the child they so long for!

Janis

kbear's heart 2 said...

Ok she's in my prayers. I know God is with all of you. I have faith that there will come a time when they will have a child. God bless you all. hugz~karen

LIZ said...

Miracles do happen...keep your faith and eventually things will happen for your family. I think its so sad that people who really want a baby cant have one and everyday there are women aborting the ones they dont want to be bothered with. Its a sad thing.

God Bless you and your family, Liz

Jeannette said...

I will pray for a miracle. God works wonders.

Cindi said...

consider my prayers sent!!
cindi

Rose said...

I am so very sorry. I do know how you feel.

rose

Linda said...

I'm so sorry that Sarah & Bennie have had so much heartache trying to have children....I know that pain. I want you to keep the faith however, and keep praying, keep believing in the miracles that God can bestow upon us.
I don't put this in my journal because my husband is very private about this particular subject, but even though we only have 1 child...I had 6 pregnancies. I suffered 4 miscarriages before Mandy, and one after. She was our miracle baby, born premature, but full of life & love. I almost gave up hope a few times that we'd ever have a child on our own, but God had it in His plans that we would, on His time frame, not ours. I will keep praying hard that soon, they too will know the joy of being parents, and that their broken hearts will be mended by love. You hang in there too....miracles happen every day.

Pooh Hugs,
Linda

Robyn said...

I will be praying for your daughter and her husband. Miracles can happen!

Beth said...

I will hope and pray that the news is good.

Hugs, Beth

Missie said...

Prayers going up!

Kelly Dawn said...

prayers going up right now....right now...and right now...

Kelly

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Prayer Said...

Michelle said...

I'm praying!!!

Love,

Michelle

Leslie said...

Prayers said! And I believe that miracles do happen. After having a perfect first pregnancy with my oldest, I miscarried 4 times before I gave birth to "mini~me" ~ my dr said that my uterus had weakened so bad that I probably wouldn't be able to hold a pregnancy... and I carried her (two weeks extra.. lol) .. she was born 2 weeks late on the same (7 yr anniversary)day that my father died. I consider this little person I have to be on of our miracles.
xo

Janie said...

I will sure keep them in my prayers. Hope things turn out good tomorrow. Hugs, Janie

Sherry said...

I am keeping them in my prayers
hugs
Sherry
http://sherry-weightloss-journey.blogspot.com/

emmapeelDallas said...

I'm sending prayers, my friend.

love,

Judi

Terri said...

Keeping them in my prayers...Jeff and I have tried for years to have a baby...we have come to the conclusion that we are leaving it in God's hands and if it is his will it will happen..and if not we will accept that too..although it is very painful.

Thanks for visiting my journal

Big Hugs!
Terri

Tammy said...

Prayers going up friend.

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