Every journey starts with a single step...

I have been doing a lot of reading and thinking and therapy and working on myself lately. One of the things that I've found out the hard way is that things that we refuse to deal with, process and work out have a way of making you deal with them. One day we just come face to face with what isn't working and we either find a way to cope with them (deny and ignore) or find a way to work through them. I've chosen to work through them and that decision is making all the difference. As time goes on I will share those pieces of that that I can and I will try to share what I learn along the way. In the meantime, I want to share some books that I've been reading that have helped me tremendously and they are books that anyone can find inspiration from. You don't have to be depressed, in a crisis, or having anything "wrong" in your life to benefit from these books. In fact, I wish I'd read these books a long time ago.

THE ROAD LESS TRAVELLED M. Scott Peck
FURTHER ALONG THE ROAD LESS TRAVELLED M. Scott Peck
WELCOME TO YOUR CRISIS Laura Day
REPOSITION YOURSELF T.D. Jakes

There are other books, but I will share those later. I am also seeing a therapist and it's one of the greatest tools I've found. It is important to find a therapist that you can feel comfortable with and that you feel safe to share your deepest unspoken thoughts with. Something happens in the therapist's office that is unexplainable. When we speak our truth we often hear it for the first time ourselves. I'm leaning about tools to heal the hurt parts deep inside of me that I've never verbalized before. It's one of the greatest gifts I've ever given myself. My therapist's name is Chuck and I have come to think of Tuesdays as "Tuesdays with Chuck". I look forward to going and every time I've been amazed by at least three things that I hear coming out of my mouth that I hadn't even realized I had hidden deep inside of me. Here I am fifty years old and I feel like for the first time in my life I'm finding out who I am and how to take care of myself.

Life is a journey. We all take meandering paths down very different roads at different times in our lives on the way to becoming our authentic selves. Some of us take longer than others to start the journey. But what I've learned is that a crisis, or a depression can be the best thing that can happen to us. When we are faced with our inability to cope with something and we feel broken and lost in the middle of the road there is nothing left to do except reach out for help and try to find a map to get us back on the road in our journey. That's where I've been the past several weeks. I will attempt, at times, to share some of what I'm learning here in the hope that my struggles, my journey and the things that I discover along the way can help someone else realize that the journey and the pain are worth it.

I promise not to turn this journal into doom and gloom, I"m most definitely not a doom and gloom kind of gal. There will be happy things to report and hopefully some funny stories to share, but I'm trying to learn to speak my truth (in as much as I can in a public forum), to stand up for myself and to demand better of myself. This will not be easy for me but I know it to be necessary. I know that the journey will never be complete, that it will be an ongoing trek for as long as I breathe, but I also know that every mile that I complete will bring me closer to the person that God intended for me to be and that along the way many gifts await.

In keeping with the new journey....I'm changing the look around here. There may be many changes until I find the look that feels like me. The theme here is all about accepting change...here we go!!!

Sharin' the love...

Just when I'm trying to get over the shock of receiving the Superior Scribblers Award I discover that some of you dear people have nominated me for the Marie Antoinette Award! My goodness! Things like this just don't happen to ME!

I want to thank

Cindi from WISHING FOR MY TURN http://wishingformyturn.blogspot.com/2008/11/marie-antoinette-award.html

Karen from KBears Heart 2 http://kbearsheart2.blogspot.com/

and

Wes From Life is What it is Sometimes http://lifeiswhatitissometimes.blogspot.com/2008/11/marie-antoinette-real-person-real-award.html

for nominating me. Their faith in me astounds me!!

So, now it's my turn to nominate 7 people for the Marie Antoinette Award. I love this because I had to leave out some of my favorite journals earlier and I get to tell you about 7 more of my favorites. I wish I could nominate at least 10 more, but the rules are the rules. Please stop by these journals and leave them some love. I know that they will become some of your favorites too.

Marc from Grains of Sand http://grainsofsand-poetic-marc.blogspot.com/ I've been reading Marc for several years and he never ceases to amaze me with the masterpieces he paints with words. He is such a gentle soul and has such a way with words. You don't just read Marc's journal, you go along on the trip with him.

Paul from Brininess and Volubility http://waterboywriting.blogspot.com/ I'm not sure how I found this journal but I love it and am always excited when I see a new post up. Paul is a retired English teacher who has fine taste in music, goes on some really neat trips which he thankfully shares in his journal and has some wonderful stories about his character of a mother, lovingly referred to as Grammy. (I love the Grammy stories!)

Leslie from 2807 Sunflower Lane http://2807sunflowerlane.blogspot.com/ Leslie is the Queen of Celebrations! This gal takes decorating to a brand new level. Make sure you go back and see all of her Halloween preparations. I think the White House should hire her immediately and put her in charge of all things celebratory! Plus, she has great taste in dogs!!

Janie from There is only 1 today http://thereisonly1today.blogspot.com/ Janie is one of those people who just makes you smile. I love reading about her adventures with her animals and just soaking up the sunshine that reading her gives me. Her place will just make you feel good. What more could you ask for.

De from Where Do I Go From Here http://desthoughts.blogspot.com/ De is a fellow nurse and just an all round good person so deserving of this award. You will read about her friends and her life with her son and you'll smile, a lot. And you'll cheer for her! Please cheer for her!!!

Ada from One Way Trip http://onewaytrip18.blogspot.com/ Ada writes with such candor and honesty and I always look forward to new posts from her. I love her spirit and you will too.

Jeanie from Adventures of an Eclectic Mind http://adventuresofaneclecticmind.blogspot.com/ You'll learn some pretty neat stuff on Jeanie's journal. And if you like horses (and who among us doesn't) you'll enjoy reading about her horse.

The Rules:1. Please put the logo in your blog2. Place a link from the person, from whom you received the award3. Nominate at least 7 or more4. Put the links of those on your blog5. Leave a message on their blog to let them know

Oh my gosh, Thank you, Debbie!

Note to self: The next time you spend a very long time on an entry....make sure you don't forget you're on battery power and then walk away for a second only to see the screen fading to hibernate as you watch all your work go down the tubes. Grrrrr!

I cannot tell you how surprised I was to get a message from Debbie over at http://boondocksflapdoodleandbeyond.blogspot.com/ Boondocks, Flapdoodle and Beyond telling me that she'd nominated me for the Superior Scribbler's Award! I've been not so good lately at keeping up with things here and I truly don't deserve this award but I sure was touched by her faith in me! Thank you Debbie...I'll try to earn it.

So here is how this works:

1. - Post the award on your journal.
2. - Link back to the one who nominated you.
3. - Link back to the originating post for a list of rules
4. -Give this award to 5 other people that you feel fit the criteria of this award.

I present this Superior Scribbler Award to:

Judi http://emmapeeldallas.blogspot.com/ Talking to Myself

Judi is my "separated at birth twin sister", I've been following Judi's journal for several years and I just love her! She and I think so much a like and have so many interest in common. I love the way she tells a story (and she's got some good ones!) I love reading about her life and the food she cooks and the monumental DIY home projects she takes on...you just won't believe what this woman can do!!! You've got to see her journal if for no other reason than to see her beautiful grandson, Zander! If I could have one magic carpet ride I'd go to Judi's and eat dinner with her in her beautiful home and just enjoy her company. Do yourself a favor and go visit Judi. Thanks, Judi, for being such a great friend to me.

Indigo http://deafscreams.blogspot.com/ Scream Quietly

Indigo will inspire you and make you think. I love reading her journal. She is so honest and warm. You'll love her. And let me tell you there is nothing like getting a note from Indgo telling you that she is praying for you on the smoke. I am so grateful for those prayers. She's special, and you owe it to yourself to read her. Thank you, Indigo for being the special woman that you are and for taking me into your circle.

Linda http://lindapoohsthotfulspot.blogspot.com/ My Thotful Spot

Linda is one of those people that just warms your heart from the start. She is such a neat lady and I'm so grateful that I found her journal. I love reading about Marv and Mandy and her fur baby, Abby, and her grand fur baby, Maddie. Oh, and prepare to rediscover your love for Winnie the Pooh! It's a fun place! Thank you Linda for the warm friendship you've offered and for being the sweet, sweet spirit that you are.

Cindi http://wishingformyturn.blogspot.com/ Wishing for My Turn

Cindi is such a sweet person and she gives you wonderful "Sunday Sayings". (I'm a quote junkie!) She is always to be counted on for something positive to say and it's a good place to stop by for a "cheer up". Oh, and she just moved into a new house and it's fun to hear how she's putting it all together. Thanks, Cindi for your cheerful disposition and those wonderful quotes and cute country graphics.

Monica http://monicasmindlessmutterings.blogspot.com/ Monica Monica's Mindless Mumblings

Monica is a photographer and I absolutely love to see her photographs. She also writes very well and sends the most heartfelt messages just when you really need one! You'll enjoy reading Monica and just wait till you see her fur baby, Toby!!! Monica is just a great gal, so wander on over there and say hello. You'll be glad that you did. Thanks Monica for being so very nice and when I grow up, I want to take pictures like you!

Darn, that's my five and I have others I want to nominate! Just look in the right sidebar and check out all of my friends. They are the best.

I am blessed to know such wonderful people

It's been a while since I've made an entry here. I have received some of the kindest comments and emails from you, my friends and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate them.

First of all Sarah and Bennie are doing well. Looking forward to the baby that they will eventually hold in their arms. It will happen, we all know that. They will make wonderful loving parents. Thank you so much for your prayers and thoughts for them. It warms my heart.

I am not so good at sharing unhappy things in my life. I guess I heard that old adage, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything." too many times. I am going through a rough patch and I find that I just can't write about it publicly. I have gone through a depression before and managed to fight my way out of it over time and I'm sure that I will do it again. These are hard times for a lot of people. Sometimes it just feels like everything hits at one time and it takes us a while to get our footing and turn our thoughts around. I'm working on doing that, and some day soon I will get back to my normal cheerful self. In the meantime, if I can't come here and say something uplifting and positive I will not post anything. This will perhaps make me search for the good things.

One of the good things that I've found recently is a book that I just finished. I recommend it to everyone. The book is "The Road Less Travelled". Do yourself a favor and read this book. Read it slowly and digest it. It's helping me. I hope it helps you too.

Thank you all for your kind comments and emails. They have warmed my heart and brightened my days. What a wonderful community.