Yes, Melissa, there is a thing called Spring!!!!

I simply have to have some "pretty" today! So I'm going through some pictures from my yard when flowers were blooming. Call it therapy. Call it whatever you want but you have to agree that the colors are good for the soul!!

I have been looking through gardening magazines and I have such big plans for this year. I can't wait to smell the dirt and cut off my fingernails in anticipation of playing in that dirt.

These are my lilac bushes beside the garage. They will be the first thing to bloom and I can be found with my face buried in their sweetness for loooong minutes at a time. I love to bring in dozens of bouquets and fill the house with their sweet smell. Ohhh I just can't wait!

I can't take it anymore!!!!

I am alive and well. But I'm so sick of winter I could scream!

Since starting the new work schedule at the beginning of December (2 double shifts a week eight hour shifts every other weekend), I feel like a zombie. I am like a newborn baby that has it's days and nights mixed up. It's been the most frustrating thing. I think the fact that it's winter hasn't helped at all. I need sunshine and hot weather and flowers to play in outside. When I'm not tossing and turning in bed trying to fall asleep, I'm either at work or trying (emphasis on trying) to get house and home work done as I yawn non-stop and crave my bed and sleep. I just can't get it all together.

As I have tossed and turned, I've thought of soooo many things I'd like to blog about. But I'm supposed to be sleeping and I convince myself that if I get out of bed and turn on the laptop I'll never get to sleep. So, I stay in bed and toss and turn and then an hour later I'm reminding myself that I could have already posted it by now! It's making me lazy, it's making me frustrated and the dark circles under my eyes now have their own dark circles.

I'm thinking (hoping) that when the weather breaks I will come out of this funk and that my body will figure it all out. Something has to give, that's for sure.

Enough whining!

Sarah Kate is doing great!!!! She is now 15 weeks. She is still battling the nausea and vomiting but we're hoping that surely she is about to be finished with that. She's had two ultrasounds so far and the baby is just fine. This Wednesday she is having another ultrasound and we're hoping we'll know if it's a boy or girl. Of course all we want is a healthy baby but I've gotta tell you that if I could push a button and get the one I want I'd push the girl button! This is a little unusual for me too because I adore little boys (I think they're easier to raise!), but I am just so ready to have a little girl around to play with and do girlie things with. Actually, Bennie wants a girl too. But Sarah very much wants a little boy. If it's a girl her name is going to be Elliana and we'll call her Elli. If it's a boy his name will be Benjamin Brooks and we'll call him Brooks. But, like I said, I don't really care what it is as long as it's healthy and happy.

I've been thinking about so many things lately (tossing and turning is very conducive to thinking!) and I'm hoping that I can step out of my comfort zone enough to post them here in the near future and see if the world keeps on turning!

I've been so bad about getting around to visiting everyone lately, it will take me weeks to get caught up. Don't give up on me. I'll get there.

Everyone stay warm and please join me in manifesting a verrry fast arrival of Spring!

Lessons in tempting fate...

I made a huge mistake the other day. I knew even as the words were coming out of my mouth that I was tempting fate but did I heed the warning I heard going off in my head...nooo! I was talking to Emily on the phone telling her how everyone around here has had a terrible cold and fever. She warned me to watch out that I didn't get it. And that's when I got so dang sure of myself. I just puffed out my chest and chuckled as I went on and on about how I'm immune to all those germs that the mere mortal members of my family so weakly surrendered to. I recounted the patients I've taken care of over the past years that have exposed me to every germ known to man only to have those germs bounce off of my Teflon resistance. "Don't worry about me", I said, I laugh in the face of a measly little rhinovirus". Yeah, I'm stupid.

Less than twelve hours later my throat felt a little scratchy. A few hours after that as I was a little over four hours in to a sixteen and a half hour shift my glands became swollen and it's been nothing but downhill ever since. I've taken every over the counter remedy I can think of and nothing helps. (What they say is true; if you treat a cold it lasts for a week, if you don't treat it, it lasts seven days.) It boggles the mind how much snot one head can manufacture.

I have decided that the person who thought of putting lotion into tissues should be granted sainthood immediately. Having said that, it needs more work because after two days of blowing and wiping no amount of lotion works.

And then today, which is day four of my comeuppance, I have alternated between having a tissue stuffed up BOTH nostrils because of the constant drip..drip...drip, to being not able to breathe through my nose AT ALL! I mean really, it's like someone filled my nostrils with concrete. I'm such a fun girl!! While typing this paragraph I've experienced both!

So, I've learned my lesson. Yessireebob! Never ever again will I boast about something NEVER happening to me. Color me humble (with a very red nose).

But oh, I almost forgot to mention one little thing. Have I ever told you all how I've NEVER EVER won the lottery? I haven't, and I am just so very proud of that. No way am I ever going to win some silly lottery, I'm immune!

Won't you be my neighbor?

Austin and I made a quick run to the library tonight. (it's a secret fantasy of mine to be locked up in the library for a week!!!) While he browsed in the children's section I was in my own little piece of heaven on earth just browsing to my hearts content. I had heard of this book about Fred Rogers before and in fact I almost bought it last month when I was redeeming my Barnes & Noble gift card online.

My kids watched Mr Roger's Neighborhood when they were little and I loved to listen to his calming voice as I took advantage of them being occupied by cleaning or doing laundry or cooking dinner. Fred Rogers has been the butt of many jokes, not the least of which was by SNL. He was, I suppose, an easy target. What a shame. It was always evident to me that he really knew how to talk to kids. I didn't know a whole lot about him then, just that my kids liked his show and I was comfortable with his message.

In recent years I've read a little more about him and everything I have read only supported my previous opinion of him. So, I was happy to see the above book in a library display tonight. I snatched it up and started reading it as soon as things settled down here tonight. I am only on page 27 of 198 pages and already I know that this little gem of a book is going to be one of my all time favorites. In fact, I have already decided that each of my kids will have their own copy of it in the very near future. I am also going to buy a copy for myself because already in 27 pages I've had to remind myself that this is a library book and I'm not allowed to highlight anything.

Do yourself a favor and buy yourself a copy of this little book. In fact, buy several copies and give them to those you love. There are lessons here that will speak to your heart, I promise.

What day is it?

Since the first of December I've been doing two double shifts (evening/night) a week on Tuesdays and Thursdays and every other weekend I do an eight hour evening shift on Saturday and Sunday. In the beginning, it wasn't too bad. Actually, it's still not too bad; well the actually working the sifts aren't' so bad, I mean. The thing that is proving to be my undoing is living a life in between the days that I work. I cannot fall asleep before 6 am on the nights that I am off so then I can't get up and get going on the following day. I feel like all I do is sleep and work. I hope I get this figured out soon. I don't think the cold weather is helping. Hopefully when Spring gets here I'll be more willing to crawl out from under warm blankets and get something done.

It's been the strangest thing though, I have found that I actually enjoy work more since I'm doing the doubles. I don't know why...I just am. Verry strange.

Because of my schedule, I can't seem to keep up with journaling and reading either. I miss getting around to everyone like I used to and I apologize for my tardiness. Hang in there with me, I'll get this all figured out eventually.

Sarah update: She had her second ultrasound this past Tuesday and everything is wonderful! She said she could see the baby swimming around and moving all over. They are so excited and we are all on cloud nine in anticipation of this little miracle making it's appearance in August. I simply can't wait to get my hands on that baby!!

Emily update: She went to the oncologist and was told that the LEEP procedure that she will have is absolutely NOT emergent. In fact, she told her to concentrate on her studying ( she's studying for her CMA exam, it's like the CPA exam only it's for Certified Management Accountant instead of Certified Public Accountant), she said they would do the procedure in May. Amazing!!!! Thank you God.

Patrick and Amber update: They are busy planning their wedding for October 17. I cannot believe that he's finally getting married!!! But I'll warn you all right now; the last couple of weeks before that wedding when I realize that he's not going to be here anymore, I'm going to be a basket case! I love Amber, am glad that they're getting married, but this kid has been my rock for so long that I can't imagine not having him around on a daily basis. He's such a doll.

Our new kittens are going to be 5 weeks old tomorrow and they are getting so big...running around and starting to eat cat food. I need to work on finding homes for them. I don't look forward to that.

I HAVE THE BEST NEWS!!!!!

I had to wait until today to get the confirmation before I said anything but I now have that confirmation and we are so so so grateful!!!

Emily does not have Stage ll cancer!!!!!

Her doctor in Florida is foreign and has a different terminology than is common when interpreting pathology reports. I have also since found out that cervical cancer cannot be staged based on colposcopy ( you cannot imagine the research I've done!!). Anyway, the terminology used in a colposcopy path report is CIN l, CIN ll, and, CIN lll. Emily's doctor, when giving her the results told her that she had Phase ll cervical cancer. Everyone I was talking to here (KY), kept talking in terms of CIN. So, we asked to have her pathology report faxed to me and I checked with my neighbor who is a Nurse Practitioner/Midwife and does colposcopies herself. When I showed her the path report she said that it did NOT indicate cancer at all!!! What she has is precancerous and will require a LEEP procedure (done in the office!) and that is all that will be required. No hysterectomy, no surgery, NO CANCER!!!

It's been almost two weeks of hell. All for nothing, apparently. I can't really be mad about it because I'm too relieved and grateful.

Don't think that any of your prayers were wasted...they weren't. I literally felt prayer keeping me together and positive. I will never ever forget the support and love that came flowing to me and never could I tell you all how much I appreciate it. You ALL will remain in my prayers. You are all such wonderfully loving and giving people and I thank God that I am a part of such a community. Please, please always let me know when you need special prayers. Mine today are full of thanksgiving.

Bless you one and all.

I saw my grandbaby today!!!

This isn't our baby, but this is pretty much exactly what we saw. This ultrasound was taken at 7 weeks 2 days also.

Today was such a GOOD DAY!!! Austin and I went with Sarah and Bennie to her first ultrasound. They were nervous wrecks! Although she has been very nauseated and tired, I don't think they were allowing themselves to believe there was really a baby there. I wasn't worried about that, she's got too many physical symptoms for there not to be a baby there! I was anxious to see how many there would be! She had two eggs when they did the insemination. I just knew there were going to be two.

When that screen came on and we could see that little bean in there and see it's little heart beating I was overcome with emotion. That's my baby's baby!!! There are just not words to describe that feeling. It was absolutely incredible. She measured at 7 weeks and two days and her due date is August 16th. The doctor and the nurse kept referring me to as Grandma! I've never been referred to as Grandma in my life and ya know what? I loooved it! We could see the heart beating and then we HEARD IT, 168 beats per minute ( I predict a girl)!! I remember hearing my own babies heartbeats for the first time and this was even better than that!!! Sweetest sound I've ever heard. And the looks on Bennie and Sarah's face was priceless. They are so happy.

The doctor and nurse were so happy. This is an infertility clinic so achieving a pregnancy isn't something that they take for granted there and that was very obvious. They understood the emotion we displayed and were very celebratory with us. When they were finished, the nurse took Sarah to another room to draw some blood for labs and Bennie, Austin and I were standing in the hallway looking at the boards of baby pictures representing their successes. I heard the Doctor call out to me "Grandma, come here, I have something for you.". It made me nervous wondering what in the world he could want with me and I nervously walked back to him. He handed me a diaper that had their office logo embroidered on it and said to me, "We've got to get her to 12 weeks, and we're very optimistic. When she hits 12 weeks, Grandma can give her this."
I thought that was so sweet!

She has another ultrasound in 2 weeks. They're keeping a close watch on her, but they don't expect any problems.

One miracle on the way!!!!!