Just Another Day In Paradise

Wedding Weekend Plus a Surprise!!

2010-04-12T02:04:00.003-04:00

It's official! Emily and Wendell are married! Here is a picture of our new family (larger by one) minus Bennie, Amber, and Brooks. We took pictures of everyone but I don't have one of those yet so stay tuned for a complete picture of my crew.

Some of you may have figured out that the wedding didn't take place when it was supposed to. We were planning a wedding for September. About two months ago I got a frantic call from Em saying that we had to move the wedding up a little bit. I'm going to be getting another grandbaby!! Woo Hoo!! She is due on Austin's birthday on October 18th. So we scrambled and found a place to have the wedding and reception and pared down the guest list considerably. It was a small wedding with mostly family. Wen's family came from Chicago, California, and Texas and it was great to finally meet them all. We had a big ole family dinner at our house Friday night and got to know each other and then the wedding was Saturday night. Jimmy's mother had everyone for breakfast this morning on the farm and then they all headed home around 2 o'clock this afternoon. They are one fun bunch!! One of his brothers "tried" to teach me how to "step". Word has it that pictures were taken of that endeavor. Lord help me.

Shortly after they left Emily and Wendell loaded up and headed back to Florida. A wonderful weekend was coming to an end. I love, love, love when they come to visit but as wonderful as that is, it makes the good-byes that much harder. I always cry. I just can't help it. However, before they left today they made a wonderful announcement to us. They are going to look in to moving back up this way!!! No news yet as to when, but at least it's in their plans. I'm thrilled. Now that I know how great having a grandchild is, I was sad to think that I would have one so far away that I wouldn't get to see very often. And now, I won't have to worry about that for long. I'm one happy Momma!

And here is the happy couple!! These were just snapshots taken by family. I should have professional pictures to share in a couple of weeks.

An Oldie But a Goodie!

2010-04-05T03:30:00.005-04:00

This was originally posted in November of 2006 when Austin was 8 years old.

Saturday night I had a date.The most adorable little boy in the world asked me out. I was thrilled! You see, the movie he'd been waiting for had finally hit Cinema Showcase and he was chomping at the bit to get there. His proposition was was if I would drive us there, he would pay for our tickets. My first reaction was to say, "I'll take you to the movie, but you don't have to pay for the tickets." Then, I realized that this could be a very good thing for him to do. For one thing he would be getting a lesson in the value of a dollar. For another thing, he would get to be the giver instead of the taker. He was very proud to pick up his wallet and I think he felt very powerful as we headed towards the cinema.

We walked into the theater and headed to the ticket counter. He had his little wallet in his hands and his little eight year old self said to the lady taking the money, "We want tickets for FLUSHED AWAY." The thirty-something woman behind the counter looked him straight in the eye and said, "Ok, let's see that will be one child and one senior, that comes to $11.75." He opened his wallet and began counting out his money. I was busy trying to decide if I had heard her right! My mouth had fallen open, and I heard myself saying in a voice I didn't even recognize as my own, "Surely I don't qualify for a senior citizen's discount!" I guess she could tell by the mournful tone of my voice that she had made a serious faux pas. "Oh, ma'am, I'm so sorry", she gushed as her face turned red. She then gave Austin the revised price of $13.75. He very correctly counted out two five dollar bills, three one dollar bills and three quarters. She went on and on about how perfectly he had counted the correct amount of money to give to her. It was too late, she could have declared him as the newest child math prodigy to the world at large and it was not going to make up for the fact that she had looked at me and deduced in some twisted corner of her demented mind that I was a senior citizen!!!! I just simply could not get over it. I know that I'm not a spring chicken. I realize that I'm closer to 50 than 40. I even realize that it's possible and maybe even expected that people could assume I'm Austin's grandmother rather than his mother. But I refuse to admit that I look like I would qualify for a discount that is only available to people over 62, or is it 65? See, I don't even know when it kicks in, because it's not something that is even within the realm of possibility for me yet. At least I didn't think so!

From the ticket counter we made our way to the concession stand and when Austin started to pay for our Cokes and popcorn I told him to put his wallet back in his pocket, "Granny is going to pay for the treats", I grumbled. He thanked me and we made our way into the semi-dark theater. After we got ourselves settled in our seats and were munching away on our popcorn I began to let the memory of the dumb ticket lady fade away. Then, out of nowhere, Austin turned to me and said, "Mommy, you shouldn't have said anything to that lady, I could have saved $2.00!

You know, there is something to be said for mothers who eat their young.

I was determined to have my next post be about something else...

2010-04-03T11:36:00.003-04:00

But how in the world could I not post THIS!!!!????

Happy Easter everyone. I promise that the next post will be about something other than Brooks. At least I think I promise. Of course if he does something too irresistible I will change my mind. Hey, I'm a grandmother, that's how I roll!

Brooks entertaining me!

2010-04-01T13:16:00.002-04:00

I had Brooks yesterday and couldn't wait to give him a banana baby biscuit that I'd gotten him at the grocery store. He is still too little to eat them by himself so he got it in a neat little gadget with a mesh pocket that you put the food in and then as it gets soft he's able to get it through the mesh. I think this is a wonderful invention and I can't believe they didn't have these when my kids were babies. Anyway, he looooved it as you can see.

I've been otherwise engaged...

2010-03-31T18:06:00.004-04:00

It's truly official! I'm a terrible blogger! But when I'm not working or sleeping or cooking or doing laundry I've been very busy with this little guy! Can you believe that he is going to be 8 months old next week? I sure can't!

I knew that I was going to love being a grandmother, but I had no idea it was going to be THIS much fun! This baby is an absolute dream baby. I told Sarah she better not have another one (totally kidding!) because she'd never get another one as easy as Brooks. He is Mr. Laid Back and is so easy to make happy.

He loves his walker and just loves being able to get to where he wants to go...in this case, the refrigerator!

Here he is being charming at Uncle Patrick and Aunt Amber's house. We're all so smitten it's ridiculous!

We can't put him in his previous favorite place, the bouncy. He immediately flips himself over and starts using it as a jungle gym.

I love these next pictures! He loves his dogs, Sam and Mazy. Here he is with Sam! Poor Sam has terrible allergies so they keep a t-shirt on him so he won't scratch himself to death.

Here is Mazy giving him some love. Can't you just hear that sweet baby giggle?

And this one just takes the cake! He looks just like a little Kewpie Doll standing there!!!

I'm going to try to do a little better about updating things here. Emily and Wendell are getting married NEXT WEEK, so things are a little hectic at the moment. But I have an announcement to make here very soon!!!!

This Christmas will be the last time...

2009-12-21T01:16:00.004-05:00

I love Christmas morning. I love Christmas morning every bit as much if not more than any child on earth. Christmas morning is the happiest time of the year for me and it always has been. I loved it as a child, but I have loved it even more as a mother. I love it because I get to see my children gathered around my tree and I get to give them things. The sight of my children sitting around our tree on Christmas morning does something to the deepest depths of my soul that I am woefully inadequate to describe. I only know that it fills me with joy and my heart runs over with love.

When I discovered I was pregnant with Austin I cried for four months. It was not in my plans to start over with my oldest child away at college! The thing that made me stop crying was the thought that I would have a believer again at Christmas!!! That got me through and I've since learned that he was to be much more to all of us than just a "believer" at Christmas. As the big kids grew up, they enjoyed the whole "Santa Magic" thing all over again through Austin. So, even though they were grown up and even married, Christmas morning would find them rushing over here on Christmas morning (even in PJ's), so they wouldn't miss Austin coming downstairs to see what Santa brought. Austin was their joy on Christmas morning. He was mine too, but what they didn't realize was that them being there was just as vital to me as Austin was. You see, it doesn't matter how old they are on Christmas morning, they are my babies and they belong around my tree ! For several years, Emily wasn't here, and the void was felt. It wasn't something that I ever got used to. I guess what I'm trying to say is that Christmas to me is having my children surrounding me as daylight dawns and all of our traditions begin to unfold time after time. We listen to the same music every year, we have the same breakfast every year, we go through the same routines every years and I never, ever, ever tire of it.

Today at Sarah's we were talking about Christmas morning this week and I asked Sarah what time she and Bennie would be coming over. And she said, "Early". And then she said that this would be the last year that they would be over early on Christmas morning because next year Brooks would be older and that they would want to stay home and watch him wake up and see what Santa brought him. And my very first thought was, "Of course they would". And that's when it hit me. That's when I realized that these Christmas traditions that we so take for granted can and will change over time. I don't know why in the world I hadn't thought of it before. It. just. hadn't. occurred. to. me.

When I think of it, it doesn't really matter where we are on Christmas morning as long as my children are with me. So, one of the suggestions was that next year, we come to Sarah and Bennie's house bright and early and we'll get to see Brooks wake up and run to the tree. That's probably what we will do. I can't imagine it just being Jimmy and I watching Austin opening presents on Christmas morning and then waiting for the afternoon to roll around for the big kids to come over and opening gifts with them. It would just seem so fractured and splintered.

And just this minute I realized that one day (and sooner than I want to think) Austin will be grown up and not living here. And, how in the world am I going to manage being around all four of my children's Christmas tree "bright and early" on Christmas morning to watch all of my grandchildren open their presents from Santa?

I guess I always knew that "someday" that tradition would change. Of course it would, children grow up and have babies of their own. And when that happens, it's only natural that they want to sit around their own tree on Christmas morning and watch their children open presents from Santa Claus. And you know what, that is how it should be. I want them to know the joy that a parent feels as they experience that. I've had it for 29 years now so it's their turn.

As wonderful as it is to have adult children I have dreaded seeing each of them leave home and my nest. I often laughingly say that I had children because I wanted children in my life and I didn't understand why they had to grow up and move out! I've said it kind of as a joke but it's really the truth of my heart. But time marches on doesn't it? Sooo, I will march right along with it and I will remind myself that I've had my time, and now it's their turn to develop their own Christmas morning traditions with their own children and be grateful for every Christmas morning I've had with them around MY tree. Yep, that's what a graceful, inspired, loving mother does. But that little devil that sits on my shoulder is saying, "Isn't it bad enough that you now have wrinkles, bad knees, need reading glasses, and have to get your hair color from a bottle. Do you have to give up your traditional Christmas mornings too?" Don't worry, I'll get her under control and next year I'll be at Sarah and Bennie's bright and early with the Alabama Christmas CD and all the breakfast fixins and this Grandma will learn to love every traditional minute of it.

No words needed

2009-12-13T22:35:00.003-05:00

Wow! Did you guys see this?

2009-12-06T01:02:00.004-05:00

Looky what I found! You can win a prize valued at up to $675. Verrry cool stuff. Even without the giveaway it's a very cool site. Head on over there and get yourself entered. And be sure and tell them that melissa-justanotherdayinparadise.blogspot.com/ sent you. Good luck everyone! Click on the link here: Fantabulously Frugal

I won! I won!

2009-11-30T02:50:00.003-05:00

So, I got home from work tonight and everyone was asleep (where most people are at midnight on a Sunday night!). And me, being me, I grabbed the laptop and decided to check out some blogs. I couldn't believe my eyes when I realized that I was the winner of this awesome little Gooseberry Patch Christmas cookbook from Pat over at Nonna's News! I mean, people, I don't win things! But I did! I won it! I can't wait to get it and whip up some yumminess for Christmas!

She made the announcement in such a cute way. She made a video of her little granddaughter, Avery drawing the winner out of a little Christmas bowl. Oh, and the cutest part was that Avery actually let her stuffed Minnie Mouse do the actual drawing. I was so engrossed in watching the cuteness of Avery that I forgot that my name was actually in that little bowl. So when Pat said my name I was beyond shocked. Anyway, I just wanted to let you guys know that people actually do win these giveaways and it's tons of fun.

I'm going to pay it forward and come up with my own little giveaway here soon. I think I'll hit my craft room and come up with something. Stay tuned.

And Pat, thanks a million. I will so enjoy cooking from this great little cookbook.

And Cindi, if lightning should strike twice and I win that gorgeous little angel, she's coming to your house!

Too many to count...

2009-11-26T01:19:00.006-05:00

(There is a short video at the bottom, don't miss it! )

I'm speaking of blessings. I simply have too many to count. We have not had the best of times in regards to my husband's business for the past several years. There are many times when I feel like throwing up my hands and giving up. But then I look around and see all the blessings and realize that I am rich beyond measure. It's the people in our lives that matter, not the things. And when it comes to people, I'm truly blessed. I have both of my parents living and happy. I have wonderful brothers and a sister and their families. And then the icing on my cake are my wonderful children. I know my children aren't any more wonderful than yours, but their mine and they are my reasons for breathing. Children truly are the most wonderful treasures. And then, of course, (just in case it escaped any one's notice LOL), we were all blessed with our little Brooks this year. He makes up for any lack we may think we have around here. So fresh from heaven, so very loved and wanted.

I have to work a double tomorrow so I won't get to spend the day with my family, but that's okay. I have Thanksgiving every day just knowing that these wonderful people are in my life. I also console myself with the fact that the patients I will take care of tomorrow don't want to be there either. And so, I will try to make their Thanksgiving a little brighter since they have to spend it being sick. Blessings are everywhere if we look for them.

But....today...I got to keep Brooks! I shot a minute long video of him playing and 'talking'! So, I just had to share it with you all. Can you believe he is soon going to be 4 months old!? It seems like yesterday we were praying for his existence. And now here he is, a gift to us all. We are so very rich in all the ways that count.

I wish you all a wonderful day of Thanksgiving every day of your lives. The blessings are everywhere if only we take the time to look.

More Giveaways. Because they're FUN!

2009-11-25T00:34:00.006-05:00

Cindi from Wishing for My Turn posted about the giveaway she found for this little beauty on her blog. Now really, who wouldn't want this little angel in their home this Christmas?

Harvest Moon Primatives is where you go to sign up for her

Then, she told us about this Gooseberry Patch Cookbook giveaway. I just bought some of these little cookbooks for my girls for Christmas gifts and they are awesome. I've been using some of the recipes from them (shhhh, don't tell them!). I'm sure this one is just as wonderful as the ones that I have and I bet you'd love it. If so, head on over and enter the giveaway at Nonna's News.

I sooo heart this little scale!

2009-11-24T03:23:00.008-05:00

Vintage Junky

I am working on a plan in my head for redoing my kitchen sometime soon and I have been browsing some decorating blogs for inspiration. While reading through a very neat blog tonight called Vintage Junky I almost jumped out of my chair when I got to the bottom of her post and saw this little gem. Would you look at the words on the face of that scale!!! OLD KENTUCKY HOME!! Helloooo! There is my inspiration. I absolutely love this little scale. Is it not the cutest thing??? And she is giving it away!

Anyway, even though I want to win it, I want you all to have a chance to win it too, not to mention you'll get yourself introduced to a very cool blog. So head on over there and feast your eyes on some inspiration.

I really am alive!

2009-11-23T13:18:00.002-05:00

I know, I know! I'm such a bad blogger! I never seem to be able to get anything posted here anymore. My life is certainly not boring, it's just that I run out of energy!! I am going to try to do better. But in the meantime, I'll leave you this adorable new picture of Brooks. That's better than anything I would write anyway! I know that I am biased where he is concerned, but I tell you truly that this is the best baby in the world! He is so easy to take care of. Mr. Laid back!! He smiles constantly and only cries when he's hungry. He looks so much like his mother and thankfully he inherited her disposition as well. I used to say that she was the best baby in the world. It's kind of like having her all over again. We are all enjoying him and looking forward to watching him grow up. I knew that I was going to love him like crazy but I had no idea how wonderful it was going to be to be a grandmother. I. mean. really!

I watch him while Sarah Kate works on Wednesdays and Thursdays. I was kind of worried about how I was going to do that after working double shifts on Tuesday and Thursday nights but he is such a dream baby that it's working out fine. I pick him up on my way home from work in the mornings and when we get home he goes down for a 3-4 hour nap. He wakes up, takes a bottle, plays with me for about an hour and then he's falling asleep again! I get another 1 to 2 hour nap and then we're up and ready to go. I'm loving every single minute of it and I wouldn't trade it for anything!

Brooks' Bad Manners

2009-10-21T22:46:00.003-04:00

Sarah just posted this video on Brooks' site and I just had to share it. The little hat was made for him by one of the doctor's that Sarah works for. The grandmother who taught hin this trick is not me!! But I wish I had!

I was just informed that you needed a password to view this video. It's bbrooks

Click here to view this video

The New Mr & Mrs.

2009-10-20T00:38:00.006-04:00

First of all I must say that the wedding was absolutely beautiful and everything went off without a hitch. They were both so happy and the fact that they are very much in love couldn't be missed.

I have loved Amber like my own for a long time now. Patrick married the perfect girl for him and I couldn't be happier with his choice. Because of how I feel about Amber I really didn't expect to have the feeling and emotions that I experienced in the lead up to and during the actual wedding. Now matter how practically I tried to talk myself out of feeling what I was feeling, the thought simply wouldn't go away. I was losing my son. Now, I know I haven't really lost him. He's a self-professed mama's boy (aren't most boys?), and we have a very close relationship. I know that I will continue to see him very often and that the love he has for Amber is a completely different kind of love from the love he has for me. One doesn't push the other away any more than one child being born takes love away from the other children. I know all of this and yet I had several emotional moments (don't worry, I kept them to myself!). I am so proud of the man he's grown to be and the way he lives his life. He has the biggest heart of anyone I've ever known and I am so grateful that I am the one God chose to be his mother. When Patrick loves you you know it. He's the first one to help out a friend or anyone in need. His compassion for other's is often witnessed running down his cheeks. He's the champion of the underdog and every child's best friend. I've never met an old lady who didn't love him.

Patrick is every one's "go to guy".

Patrick is love personified.

Patrick has married a wonderful girl and we love her.

Patrick's mother misses him.

*****************************

These pictures were taken by a friend, when we get the professional pictures back I will share them, I'm sure they'll be much better than these snapshots. But for now you at least get a little idea.

I love this picture! Look at what is going on between Patrick and Austin. I didn't catch this as it was happening but someone told me about it. Apparently right before Patrick and Amber turned around to face everyone after they'd been pronounced man and wife, Austin reached over to give Patrick a fist bump. Then, when they turned around Patrick turned his palm up kind of behind his back and Austin "gave him five". I can't wait to see it on the video. Candid things are sooo awesome

We took the opportunity to have a picture of our immediate family taken with everyone all spiffed up! (Jimmy and Austin shared Best Man duties) Both Sarah and Emily served as bridesmaids. Benny was a groomsman as well.

The happy couple are now on their honeymoon cruise and we can't wait to see them when they get home next Sunday.

Patrick and Amber's Engagement Pictures

2009-10-20T00:24:00.004-04:00

Here is the post I was trying to get up last week BEFORE the wedding. Needless to say, I didn't get it done. I did sit down and try to put into words what I was feeling as Patrick's wedding was just days away. I, quite simply, couldn't find the words to express all that I was feeling. So, after this post, I will put up one about the actual wedding and try once more to give you a glimpse into a mother's heart.

Here are their engagement pictures.

2009-10-19T23:55:00.002-04:00

My funny and sweet friend Cindi at Wishing For My Turn gave me an award that defies explanation. I'm humbled! And hey, I wouldn't want any of you to be pecked to death by Zombie Chickens, so I'm hoping that by posting this award here you will all be safe forevermore!!

"The blogger who receives this award believes in the Tao of the zombie chicken-- excellence, grace, and persistence in all situations, even in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. These amazing bloggers regularly produce content so remarkable that their readers would brave a raving pack of zombie chickens just to be able to read their inspiring words. As a recipient of this world-renowned award, you now have the task of passing it on to at least 5 other worthy bloggers. Do not risk the wrath of the zombie chickens by choosing unwisely or not choosing at all."

I cannot possibly pick just five people to share the honor with so if you're game (pun intended) grab it and protect yourself and your readers.

Thanks, Cindi, you are the best!!

Engagements and more engagements!

2009-10-12T12:43:00.007-04:00

Later I'm going to post Patrick and Amber's engagement pictures and post about their upcoming wedding, but first I want to announce (if I haven't already) that Emily and Wendell are engaged and are going to be married in May. While they were here for Amber's bridal shower last month they went to the park and had their engagement photo's taken. I love them! They are so happy, and to see Emily so happy after what she's been through in the past several years is absolute balm for my soul. Wendell is an answer to prayer and we look forward to having him as a son in law. The love between them is evident to anyone who sees them and I think these pictures capture that.

I FIXED IT! I FIXED IT!

2009-10-12T02:04:00.002-04:00

My laptop has been out of commission allll summer. The desktop is so unreliable that I barely even check email on it. Besides, it's been a busy summer and I kind of figured that maybe not being on the computer so much was a good thing for me. But gosh, I've missed it. Anyway, after coming home from Sarah and Bennie's tonight, I discovered that the cable was out so I started reading. Then for some strange reason (I prefer to call it Divine Intervention) I decided to grab the laptop and see if it would suddenly work. I decided to do this because yesterday I asked the Universe to send me a new computer, and as I was reading I just felt "nudged" to try the laptop. I finally got it to turn on in safe mode and decided, "what the heck, see if system restore will fix it". Sooo, that's what I did and eureka! It works. I also asked my helper angels to show me what to do. And now I say....Thank you God and my helper angels that I have my laptop back.

Maybe I can now get back to checking blogs and finding out what's been going on with everyone all summer.

As for me, I'm so smitten with a certain little baby that it's ridiculous. All those things they say about grandchildren are true. He, quite simply, has stolen my heart. He's the best little thing and some people have had the nerve to accuse me of being a "baby hog"!! Hmmmph! As if!!!

And so, it's only fitting that my first entry back should contain pictures of Brooks, right? So here they are!

Here he is wearing his Daddy's hat. It's not often that it comes off of Bennie's head. He looks so much like Bennie anyway and with his hat on....well, can you say clone?

Here he is in one of his many Bengal outfits. And speaking of the Bengals, WOW! Football is fun again!! I've been a die-hard Bengal fan since 1980 and they've broken our hearts so many times. I cheered for them when they didn't win a game and always held out hope for "the next game", or "next season". So believe you me, I'm celebrating and having a ball watching these games. Having Brooks there with us is just icing on the cake. (Cindy, I know you'll love this picture! lol)

The next two pictures are just darn cute! I tell ya, I could just eat him with a spoon!

Patrick and Amber are getting married next weekend. I can't believe the day is finally almost upon us. Stay tuned for thoughts from the mother of the groom this week. It's hard on a Mom!

Want to see some adorable pictures????

2009-08-14T10:21:00.002-04:00

I'm really hoping this link will work. This is the website with Brooks' newborn pictures. Make sure you click on all the little pictures at the bottom of the page. My favorite one is the one with all of his Bengal's gear. ( I know Cindi just threw up!).

http://www.our365.com/newbornportraits/babydetail.aspx?birthid=76d4fbbc-65d5-483b-8ea1-d82cd7c0fa35&babyid=dc519e17-91c7-4d0d-bb26-d0c0a2a5181f

Austin and I are still at Sarah and Bennie's doing the cooking, laundry and cleaning. Oh and we're also getting in a lot of cuddle time with Brooks. I tell ya, this Grandmother stuff is the BEST!.

More pictures from Grandmotherville!!!!

2009-08-09T10:18:00.003-04:00

This is the sight we've all been praying for...Sarah Kate with her baby in her arms. It just doesn't get any better than this!

Great Grandmother and Emily trying to help wake up Brooks so he will nurse.

I'm tellin' ya, I could kiss those cheeks off. In fact, I have tried!

Our dear friend, Connie personalized his very own Bengals outfit for him. I wish you could have seen Bennie's face when he saw this!!

Pictures from Grandmotherville!!

2009-08-09T10:05:00.002-04:00

Before Emily hits the road with her laptop this morning I wanted to get some pictures up for you all to see.

Here is Aunt Em getting her turn...

Here I am playing with that precious little mouth. He has very sensitive skin and is covered in a rash that has us all horrified. It looks like it would be so itchy but he doesn't seem to be bothered with it. They say it will just disappear over the next couple of days.

On Mommy's lap. She is a natural mother!

Brooks just being precious!

Sweet Bennie holding his boy....I tell you guys, it would melt your heart!

My Heart Is Full With The Joy of Being GRAND!!!

2009-08-07T22:34:00.002-04:00

He's here!!!! And wouldn't you know it, my computer issues of the moment won't allow me to post a picture of him right now. However, you can take my word for it that he is the most beautiful baby I've ever seen in my life!

Sarah has had placenta previa for the entire pregnancy and although it did move a little bit in the last couple of weeks, it didn't move enough to allow her to have a normal delivery. She was scheduled for a C-section for 10:00 this morning. They were to be there at 8:00 and we were going to get there about 9:00. I talked to her at 7:30 this morning and she was ready and waiting for Bennie to finish getting ready so they could leave. Ten minutes later she called me back in a panic. She was putting the baby's bag in the car and she felt a gush of fluid. She thought her water had broken but it was bright red blood. I told her to call an ambulance immediately and we hung up and I started moving fast. They didn't call an ambulance (the hospital is a 10 minute drive) they left all their "stuff" at home and Bennie drove her to the hospital. When I got there they had her back in a room with the fetal monitor on her. The birthing center was packed and BUSY! They started prepping her for surgery and since I'm a nurse and I work at that hospital, she asked if I could go in with them and they said YES!! I got myself garbed and masked and off we went.

I cannot describe the emotion I felt seeing my baby girl on that OR table It was just surreal. I tried to keep the fear out of my voice and tears out of my eyes and I managed it all okay until that precious baby was out of her and I heard him cry. At that point, all bets were off and I was just a blubbering Grandmother. I've asked so many of my friends what it feels like when you see your first grandchild and it seemed that no one could really put it into words that I could grasp and understand. Now I know why. It's just not something that there are words for. The closest I can come to explaining what I felt would be to say that an enormous love bomb burst inside of me and I know for certain that I will never be the same. It's love squared and then some! MY BABY HAD A BABY!!!! And he was PERFECT! And she was SAFE!. I just kept saying, "Thank you, God, thank you!"

To see Sarah and Bennie finally have the baby they've prayed for for so long was so wonderful.
Have I mentioned that he's beautiful??!!! He was born on 8/7 and weighed 8 lbs 7 ozs at 11:07. Sarah has always said that her lucky number is 7 and after today, we all believe her.

I work tomorrow night (but guess where I'll be on all my breaks!!!) and then I start a week of vacation on Sunday when they will probably come home. I'll be staying at Sarah's next week to help take care of her and be the chief cook and bottle washer ( even though she's nursing!). I promise to post A LOT of pictures from her house.

When we called Emily in Florida to tell her he was here today she decided on the spur of the moment to drive up here and as I type this, she is somewhere on this side of Atlanta headed home to get her hands on him. Some of you understand what a miracle that is in itself!!! My cup runneth over.

Let the Grandmothering begin.....I'm in heaven.

For every one of you who offered up prayers for my sweet girl and her husband I thank you from the bottom of my heart. God is so very good.

You won't believe these pictures!!!

2009-05-31T03:34:00.002-04:00

I'm sorry. I can't help it. I am madly in love with this new little person that will soon be entering our lives and I'm afraid that I just have to admit that I'm absolutely going to be one of those obnoxious grandmothers who talks about her grandchild to anyone who will listen. And....even if they don't listen, I'm still gonna talk about him.

Sarah had her medical ultrasound on Thursday, but this morning they went for the non-medical 3D ultrasound. I thought the picture of his face in the last one was incredibly clear. Well....that was nothing compared to THESE!!!!

He is SMILING!! In the womb, he's smiling!! Know why? He knows that he has a grandmother waiting for him that is going to be completely blind to any faults he might ever have!

Along with a cd of 39 still pictures, they also got a dvd of tons of video of him moving around with a baby themed soundtrack. Priceless! I love this one of him with his mouth open

I love this one too. It's like he's bored with this whole picture taking thing and he's thinking, "Would you all PLEASE just let me grow in peace?" They also say he's "chunky", get a load of the meat on his little arm....and he's got 11 more weeks to grow! His mother weighed 9 pounds 1 ounce. I can't wait to see how much he weighs.

Check out his meaty little thigh.

He looks exactly like his father.

I love the definition of his lips ( exactly like his daddy's). Don't know what's up with that shadow across his nose.

How will I ever wait another 11 weeks?

Look at this face!!!!! Sweet Brooks.

2009-05-29T02:22:00.003-04:00

Our life is so incredibly busy at the moment that I barely get to check email anymore, but when Sarah Kate shared this picture with me from her ultrasound today I just knew I had to get on here and show him off!

Can you believe that little face? It's almost like an actual photograph instead of an ultrasound. The US tech says that he is a big baby. Expected weight at this stage is about 2.5 pounds and he is about 3.1 pounds today. All I know is that I absolutely cannot wait to get my hands on him. I've been collecting all my "Grandma supplies" and by the time he gets here I'll be all set up.

They are continuing to do a lot of ultrasounds and Sarah is doing great. She does have placenta previa and it's not showing any signs of moving. If it doesn't she will have to have a c-section which she is upset about, but hey, healthy baby and mom is the only thing that matters.

Patrick and Amber closed on their house and he's moved in to it. I would say that I miss him, but we've been over there painting and fixing up ever since he moved in and I'm heading back there in the morning. It's so much fun that it doesn't feel like work. I have taken a lot of before pictures and will post them along with the after pictures as we get things done.

I'm hoping that at some point soon things will settle down and I'll have more time to play here.

I'm alive, just buried in projects

2009-04-29T13:03:00.012-04:00

You all probably thought I got lost somewhere along the way between Florida and home since I haven't posted a single thing since before we left. But I did, indeed, make it home in one piece. But I don't feel like my feet have much more than touched the ground since we got home two weeks ago. We had a GREAT time! We did a lot of hanging out with Emily and Wendell, laid around the pool a couple of days, went to Universal Studios a couple of days, visited my parents at their retirement community for a day and a night, and did some decorating of Emily and Wendell's condo. The best part though, was sitting up late at night and just girl talking with Emily and Sarah Kate. I was truly in Paradise!! While walking around at Universal, I looked up and saw "Paradise" in lights on a building and just had to take the above picture.

On one of the days that Emily had to work while we were there, Sarah, Austin and I went to WONDERWORKS. Below are Sarah and Austin playing in giant bubbles.

Emily and Austin playing with the giant shark at Universal Studios.

Since we've been home I've been working like a Trojan on my "to do list". I am bound and determined to get the deck finished. It was on my list for last year, but I just procrastinated myself right out of doing it and I've been kicking myself all winter for not doing it. Soooo, I've jumped in with both feet and I will get it done or die trying. Actually, one of the reasons I didn't get it done before was because I kept changing my mind about what color I wanted to use. I've waffled back and forth on many choices. I finally decided on doing the rail and corner sections white and painting (staining) the actual floor the same putty color as the siding in the back of the house. I'm so happy that I decided to go with the white.

The wrought iron table and chairs were painted green and I decided to paint them black and I'm loving the change, I bought some pretty chair pads for the chairs and I can't wait to get it all put together. I love how the black pops against the white. And I can't wait to see how the colors of my flowers will pop against the white. You can see a little bit of the siding in the following picture. That's what color the floor is going to be.

In other news, Patrick and Amber have a new baby! They are closing on their house at the end of May and when Amber heard about a new litter of Yellow Labs, they just couldn't resist getting one. You need a little back story here. Patrick has always LOVED "Old Yeller". Even as a little boy he would say that someday he was going to have a Yellow Lab and he was going to name him "Yeller". My Patrick is such a soft hearted guy. A couple of years ago, Austin had a little friend spending the night. As we were eating dinner, Austin turned to his little friend and said, "After dinner we'll watch "Old Yeller" and you can watch Patrick cry!". He's 29 years old next month and he still cries every time Old Yeller gets shot So, now he finally has his yeller dog. He is so cute and we've all fallen in love with him. I will miss him when Patrick and he move to the new house next month.

Speaking of their new house, here it is. It is a tri-level with an in ground pool out back (I think the pool was was what sealed the deal). They have a lot of work ahead of them. While the house is sound, there are a lot of cosmetic things that need to be done to bring it up to date. It's stuck in the 70's if you know what I mean. We will be spending a lot of time cleaning, painting and landscaping over there and it will be a lot of fun. I will take before and after pictures and share them with you as we go.

Here it is from the back...I foresee many good times in this back yard.

As if tackling the deck wasn't enough of a project, I am also working on refinishing my grandfather's 97 year old high chair, and I swear I think it had 97 coats of paint on it. I've never stripped an old piece of furniture before and I had no idea what a slow process it is. I bet I have at least 12 hours in this project already and I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere, I just keep telling myself that it will all be worth it when I see little Brooks and all the grands to follow sitting at my table in their great, great grandfathers chair.

And speaking of Brooks!!!!! Here is Sarah at 23 weeks. He's growing fast and we can't wait to get our hands on him.

Well, it's time to get back to my projects. I'll eventually get caught up with everyone, I promise.

Ohhh, there is something in the works here that has been long prayed for and anticipated. I can't give you any more details right now but please hold good thoughts for the signing of contracts. I promise to give alll the details when I can.

The gift of time...

2009-04-02T14:22:00.003-04:00

You know that quote about best laid plans? Well, mine went right out the window last night. We had some friends stop over and my timeline, which was tight beyond belief anyway went by the wayside. The things I needed to do would have kept the household awake with me all night so I just had to give up.

So, wonder of wonders, the staffing office called as I was getting ready for work and put me on call for the 3-11 shift and called me off entirely for the 11-7 shift., I just got handed 16.5 hours to get it all done. Woo hoo!

Someone asked in email where Emily and Wendell live, they live in Orlando. So, Chris, I'll wave as we go through Knoxville! And Lynn, I'll be throwing you a wave as well. Is there anyone else I'll be driving past on our way?

Jimmy just called and suggested that since Sarah Kate is off work tomorrow we should just take Austin out of school tomorrow and hit the road either tonight or in the morning. It would give us a whole extra day so I'm thinking about that. Austin wanted perfect attendance this year, but he's already missed one day early in the school year. He'll get some kind of recognition for only missing one day so I think I'll leave it up to him to decide.

Okay, well, I guess it's time to make the most of my found hours.

Road Trip!!

2009-04-01T16:30:00.003-04:00

Sarah Kate, Austin and I are loadin' up and heading to Florida to spend a week with Emily and Wendell on Friday. Can you EVEN guess how excited we are?

I have to work one more double shift tomorrow and sleep fast on Friday and then when I get up Friday afternoon, we're heading out. Austin is on Spring Break next week and we decided it was the perfect time to go. Sarah's morning (all day) sickness has almost completely subsided and she's up for it.

My Mom and Dad winter in Florida (Lake Wales), so we'll be heading down to spend two days and a night with them also. Austin will get in some good fishing time with Grandpa, hopefully. If not, he'll enjoy tooling around in Grandpa's golf cart in their little retirement park. We'll be hitting Disney at least one day as well. Other than that, I plan on vegging and just enjoying my kids!

Somehow, I have to figure out how to get all the laundry in this house done, pack our bags, make sure Jimmy and Patrick have enough grub to hold them over and clean the house before I go to bed tonight. Oh well, I always work better under pressure.

NEW TEMPLATE COMING!!

The amazing Brandi of Excess Baggage is working on a new template for my digs here. I'm so envious of the creative people who can do this. I can't wait to see what she comes up with, so stay tuned for the big reveal.

Other things I've learned along the way...

2009-03-29T15:02:00.004-04:00

How about some pretty pink today. Can't wait to see this in my yard again!

I've loved reading all your comments and emails about your thoughts on God/religion/spirituality. It makes me wish we could all be together in a cozy room with a fireplace and lots of comfy chairs to sit around and discuss things. Wouldn't that just be so much fun?

I've finished The Shack now and I hated to see it come to an end. I handed it to Patrick after I finished and asked if he'd like to read it. I told him that this is probably the most profound book I'd ever read (I've read a looooooot of books!). One of the reviews on the book said that it would forever change the way you think about God. For me, this is very true. On second thought, maybe that's not true. I think a truer statement would be that it confirmed for me the way I think about God.

After reading it, I did a google search and was not surprised to find some very hostile reviews by Christians. While I already knew there was some controversy surrounding The Shack, I was, nevertheless, saddened to read many of them. I truly believe that there will be many many people who will read The Shack who've always felt outside of God's love and Grace. And I believe that while reading this book they will discover that God does indeed love them. How in the world can that be seen as evil?

Many in the Church are determined to paint God as a tyrant, making demands that make it seemingly impossible to perform. They are so caught up in doctrine that they lose the very essence of God's message which was all about love. It's not about doctrine, it's about a relationship with God. It's about loving one another. It's truly a case of not seeing the forest for the trees. They have no idea of the damage they do to people who are hungry for a relationship with God. It saddens me more than I can begin to put into words. It saddens me because they did that to me for a very long time.

I've said before that everyone has their own path and their own journey. It's not for me or anyone else to tell someone that their path is wrong. I believe that God will meet us on whichever path we choose. My path feels right for me and I've found God waiting for me at every twist and turn since I began my search in earnest. I've found Him to be bigger and more loving than my churchgoing taught me. I came to him out of love and not duty and that has made all the difference.

There are many, and some of them in my own family, who will shake their heads and despair for my lost soul because of my beliefs. That's okay. I know what I know about my relationship with God. It is well with my soul.

I was raised Protestant and married a Catholic. It wasn't until after I was married that I found out that the Catholic Bible has books in it that are not in my Protestant Bible. Hmmm, I wondered, why is that? I was young and busy and didn't really give it much thought until several years ago when I realized that my relationship with God felt very small and insignificant. I was hungry but I didn't know exactly what I was hungry for. Then one day I realized that I was hungry for a true and personal relationship with God. In my search to find him I had to determine why I felt I'd lost that. I realized that I didn't trust Him and didn't feel his love for me because of all the seemingly inconsistent pictures the Bible painted of Him. In other words, I was commanded to love him out of fear for my soul. The threat of hell was ever present in my mind. I wanted to love Him because He was my Father and Creator, but when I got real honest with myself I couldn't determine if I was motivated from fear or love. But the Church or more truthfully, the people in the Church while they talked about Grace at times, surely weren't modeling it. So, if these two bibles don't have the same books, why is that? It's because Man decided what books "we" needed to base our lives on. See, it always muddies the water when "Man" tries to set the rules. I had always been taught that the Bible was the infallible word of God. Oh really? Then which one is the infallible version? The Catholic one or the Protestant one? This revelation set me on a search of just how we got the Bible in the first place and wouldn't ya know it, man was picking and choosing alllll along the way. I'm not going to say that I don't believe anything in the Bible because that would not be true. I will admit though that I have major questions about some of the teachings and there is no one on earth that can possibly answer those questions. Which means that I have to rely on God alone to lead me where he wants me to go. My brother (the preacher) thinks that is heretical. He says I have let "my ears be tickled" by untruths. All I can say is that I love God more than I ever did when it felt like a duty to be performed. I feel closer to God than I ever have in my life and I know that even if I'm wrong, his love and grace are big enough to cover me. THIS is a relationship, not an attempt to keep my self out of hell. The true hell for me was feeling outside of this relationship.

Being a mother has taught me what Grace is. My children loving me out of fear would not be love. I want my children to love me because they love me! They can't love me if they fear me. And the Grace part comes in when I realize that I love them whether they love me or not. Grace is love unconditional. Grace is a gift, unearned. Grace covers all. God's Grace loves me and redeems me even when I'm undeserving. THAT is the message of The Shack and many "men of God" have a problem with that. It boggles my mind.

Many certainly don't agree with me. That's okay. I mean absolutely no offense to anyone and would not even begin to suggest that your beliefs or religion is wrong. God is a loving Father and He is so much bigger than all our differences.

How God taught me what Grace means

2009-03-27T12:16:00.002-04:00

It wasn't until I became a mother that I truly knew what unconditional love really meant. The simple fact is that my love for my children is not something that can be measured. It is a love that knows no bounds and there is absolutely nothing that they could do that would make me not love them. Have I liked everything they've done or said in their lives? No! Are they perfect? No. But by virtue of being mine ( I don't mean this in a possessive way) it would be impossible for me to not love them and want the absolute best for them.

I mentioned in an earlier post that Emily felt lost to us for several years when she was with her ex husband. That estrangement was the darkest period of my life. Looking back now, I see that God used that time to teach me a very valuable lesson about love, forgiveness, trust, the power of God's love for us, and maybe most importantly, what Grace really means. During that four year period I was all over the place emotionally. I started out being broken hearted and that lasted for a long time. I then moved into anger and was so angry at her husband that it literally felt at times that it would eat me alive. I then went through a period of feeling numb and became very depressed. I felt as invisible to God as a person can feel. There was no comfort to be found anywhere. I couldn't imagine living the rest of my life with this gaping hole in my heart that only Emily could fill. With the way things were between us and with the power that her husband had over her I didn't see how there could ever be a solution. The word "forgiveness" kept showing up in my reading. I knew I should forgive and in fact had to forgive this man who had, in my mind, stolen my daughter from me. This man was abused as a child, he comes from a family riddled with mental illness and knowing this allowed me to be sympathetic towards him to a degree. So I began to try to forgive him for the vile things he had said to us and for causing such heartache in our family. I stumbled and fell A LOT in my efforts here. I just kept praying that God would give me His heart to forgive because my human one felt very inadequate for the job. It wasn't something that happened overnight but over time I could feel the anger lifting from me. One day I just realized that I had forgiven him and that dark energy in my heart towards him was just gone. He became someone that I felt so very sorry for and I can even say that there were moments when I was able to feel some degree of love for him. It wasn't a warm and fuzzy kind of love, but it was a love that I don't think I would have been capable of without my knowledge of how a mother loves. The mother in me was able to recognize the terribly wounded child that was inside of him. If ever there had been a little boy who needed a parents healing love, it was him. So I started with that little glimmer of love and forgiveness and just rested with it. I decided that I could love them from where I was and my love for them and most especially for Emily wasn't contingent upon having that love and acceptance returned. She was my daughter and there was nothing she could do that would put her outside of my love for her. While I still missed the closeness of a day to day relationship with her, that hole in my heart was filled up with the love that "I" felt for her. I just had a knowing in my heart that someday she would be back in our lives and however long that took was just going to be however long that took.

It was at about that time that I realized that is how God must love us!!! I had been angry at God for quite a while because I felt like there were so many rules to follow and so many hoops to jump through to be worthy of God's love and it just felt like an impossible feat. How could anyone live up to the expectations of God?

If I, as a woefully flawed human mother, could love my child so much that even her refusal of that love couldn't diminish it even the tiniest bit, then surely God in His perfectness must love us the same way! I finally understood what Grace was all about. We don't save ourselves. God's Grace is the gift of a loving parent

Thankfully, Emily left her husband and so much healing has happened in our family in the past year. We now have the best relationship we've ever had and I thank God for that every single day. But I know that even if that had not happened I would still love her the same. The child may go away and turn their back on the love that is offered, but the parent loves them anyway. There was no way that she could escape the love I have for her. She didn't have to accept it. It was there anyway. I finally truly understood the story of the Prodigal Son. But more importantly, I finally truly understood the love of God and what Grace was all about.

The Shack and Baby Update

2009-03-26T12:32:00.003-04:00

I've taken a break from TWILIGHT and am reading THE SHACK, which I've wanted to read for quite a while now. I highly recommend it. I believe that we have been taught to put God in a box and when we or at least when I tried to access Him from that place, He sometimes seemed very distant to me. For the past couple of years I've been doing a lot of spiritual work and the main thing that set me upon that journey was my own thinking that God was bigger and more available than what years of churchgoing had taught me. I've done a lot of reading in the past couple of years about God and spirituality. I've wanted very badly to discuss some of what I've come to believe here in my journal. I've not done that and I don't know why. I've decided though, that I'm going to do it off and on here. I do not mean to offend anyone. I believe that one's relationship to God is a very personal one and no one has the right to tell anyone that their way to God is the wrong way. I don't like the word religion. I was raised in a Christian home and was in church at least three times a week. My brother is a minister. We often disagree on theology. That's okay. Like I said there are many paths. I can only speak of my own. I feel closer to God now than I ever have in my life. I don't feel like a religious person. I do, however, feel like a very spiritual person. God is bigger than we give Him credit for. He loves me and I believe He has orchestrated the journey I've been on every step of the way. I trust that. I will be working on explaining how I've come to this place in my journey. It's hard to explain sometime and I so don't want to hinder anyone else on their path. Just as each of our children are different and have their own special needs, talents, and perceptions, all of us as God's children are different. He allows us our differences and I believe He delights in those differences. I didn't always feel that way. I was taught a more narrow view.

I would love to hear all of your opinions and views regarding God and the spiritual path. I'm not so interested in what religion you consider yourself, I want to hear how you view God and yourself in relation to Him.

The one thing that I've known about myself since I was very small is that I was born to be a mother. I didn't realize, however, that being a mother would give me the spiritual insight that it has given me. My role as mother has opened my eyes to how dearly God must love us. That, has made all the difference in my life. I am working on an entry to explain that further. If this topic doesn't interest you that's fine. Just skip those entries. I need to put into words for myself my journey thus far. I welcome hearing about yours as well.

(Mandevilla plant from my yard last year) I can't wait to see if it survived the winter in the basement. Stay tuned!

I went with Sarah and Bennie yesterday for her 20 week ultrasound. Oh my gosh! Brooks was sucking his thumb and putting his fingers in his ears! All looks perfect and he's growing exactly the way he's supposed to. Seeing him sucking his thumb and yawning makes him so much more real! There really is a baby in there and he's going to be coming into our family!!! I fall more in love with him everyday and can't wait to nuzzle that little sweet neck. Can you believe that she's half way through her pregnancy already? Twenty more weeks and he's here! I. Can't. Wait!!!

Food for the Gray Matter

2009-03-22T12:51:00.004-04:00

I have to work today so not much time to do a real entry so here is my meager offering:

I am a quote junkie. I usually pick one or two and roll them over and over in my mind all week. This is the one that I've been pondering all week and thought I'd share it. It's funny how sometimes one little sentence can strip away all the nonsense and just say what we need to hear. I think this is just such a thing. Don't let the best of you die inside.

“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.”

Norman Cousins

This and That

2009-03-19T10:25:00.003-04:00

It's another work night tonight and I've been up since 8:30 am thanks to the crew working on the street right in front of my house. Thanks guys! Sarah Kate came over at 1:00 yesterday afternoon and woke me up to go with her to buy maternity clothes. So after being up for 24 hours straight by the time I got in bed after work yesterday morning, I got about 3 1/2 hours of sleep yesterday. I finally fell asleep about 1:00 this morning and was hoping to sleep until at least noon today before going back in to work this afternoon. Guess that's a moot point now since it's after 10:30 am now. Oh well, how often does a woman get to go with her daughter to shop for maternity clothes. I'll stop whining now.

AUSTIN'S SCHOOL PROJECT:
Austin's class is doing a "Living Wax Museum" of famous Kentucky people. Of course all the fun ones like Abraham Lincoln and Daniel Boone were taken. Guess who he picked? Michael Waltrip. I do know that Michael Waltrip is a famous race care driver, but I had no idea he was from Kentucky. They have to give an oral history of their character and dress like them. Children from other classes will come into their "museum" and walk around and read the written display (he has to make this) and when they touch his finger he is to be a talking wax figure and give his oral presentation. It must be memorized. He's less than thrilled by this. I can't say as I blame him. I'm stumped when it comes to creativity for this particular project. So, my dear friends, we're asking for ideas. If you can think of anything to spur our imaginations regarding Michael Waltrip, we'd love, love, love to hear it. What can we use to improvise a race car driver outfit? Do you know any interesting trivia about Michael Waltrip? Any and all ideas welcome!

REGARDING YESTERDAY'S TWILIGHT ENTRY:
I have so enjoyed all of your comments about the book TWILIGHT. I was talking to Cinnamon (whose book I am borrowing) at work Tuesday night about it and now she tells me that the first book is really just more of a set up for books two, three and four. She then tells me that it's really all about books three and four. I mean, really, this girl is sooo passionate about these books that it just makes me so curious. What if I give up and I really would love books three and four? So, I've decided that I'm absolutely going to finish this first one. If it turns out better than I'm expecting, I will attempt book two. If not, I'm diving in to my pile of books to be read with no regrets. Thank you so much for all of your comments and opinions. I love hearing what everyone thinks. Isn't it fun that everyone is so different. What a boring world it would be if we were all cut from the same cloth. I also loved the book recommendations that some of you made. I've written them down and will add them to my list. In fact, if anyone didn't make a recommendation and you'd like to please tell me your favorite books.

I don't get it!

2009-03-17T11:37:00.003-04:00

I'm late to this particular party and I'm having a problem getting in the "party mood". It seems you can't go anywhere for the past six months or so and not hear about how wonderful TWILIGHT is. Really, it seem that anyone who reads anything has read or is reading TWILIGHT. I love love love to read and should seriously consider a 12 step program for out of control book buyers, but this one is just not doing it for me. First of all it's about a vampire. I've never been into science fiction and books about vampires smack of science fiction to me. I decided this is one book series trend I was going to sit out. I was fine with that decision, truly. But my friends just wouldn't hear of it. Everyone kept telling me, "You just HAVE to read it!". So, okay, curiosity finally got the best of me and my friend, Cinnamon, at work lent me her copy. I've had this book now for over a month and I've picked it up about 5 times and have finally make it to page 148 of 498.

I can see why young girls might like this book. It's very highschoolish to me. I'm determined to get through it now and keep waiting for that "oh my gosh, this is soooo good" feeling to overtake me and keep me up reading when I should be sleeping. I don't see it happening though. I won't watch the movie until I've finished reading the book. In the meantime I have a huge pile of delicious books screaming at me to read them but I know that if I give in to that temptation I will never finish TWILIGHT.

So, what do you all think of this book? Am I the only one that doesn't think this book is the best thing since sliced bread?

Empty Nest

2009-03-16T11:26:00.005-04:00

Patrick and Amber are house hunting in preparation for their marriage in October. I am thrilled that Patrick has chosen Amber. I couldn't love her more if she were my own flesh and blood daughter. I look forward to their wedding and watching them begin their life together.

It's funny, when your kids are little you just kind of imagine that they are always going to be around. Somehow, I forgot to factor in that kids grow up and LEAVE YOU!!! I didn't have kids for them to grow up and LEAVE ME! Now, don't worry, I'm saying this with a smile on my face. I didn't REALLY think that they'd be with me forever. But darn it, I wish they could be. Remember the 1980's show DALLAS? They all lived together with Jock and Miss Ellie, and I thought that was a wonderful idea. My dream is to win the lottery and build a family compound. It would have a pool, a tennis court, a horse barn and arena, a park and right in the middle of it would be a great big house with a huge kitchen and family room. Each child would have their own wing with their own kitchen and family room for when they needed to be alone. And right there in the middle of it all would be Grandma (me!) available for babysitting and chats over coffee. I know, I know, I've always been accused of being a Pollyanna, but darn it, I think it would work!

Emily has been living in Florida for several years and Sarah and Bennie have been married since 2005. Patrick was in Florida for college for two years and then lived here while he finished school closer to home. After college he got his own apartment. Austin was born while he was in Florida and he lamented the fact that he finally had the little brother he'd wanted his whole life and he wasn't getting to enjoy him. So, I told him it was silly for him to waste money on an apartment when we had two empty bedrooms sitting here. I pointed out that he'd have someone to do his laundry and cook for him if he moved back home and finally, the lure of his little brother brought him home to live again. I've been in heaven having him here. He's the son every mother wants. Everyone who knows him loves him. Quite simply, he's a joy to have around.

It's finally starting to really hit me that he is going to be leaving...like for good. He's going to have his own home. I'm thrilled for him, of course. I look forward to seeing him become a husband and father. It's as it should be and I know he's chosen the right partner. But man is it ever hard to imagine him not being here every day.

We won't really have an empty nest when he leaves. Austin is only ten years old and we have some real interesting years coming up with him (Lord, help me get through one more teenager!). But it's definitely going to be different around here. I stand by my statement that I didn't have kids for them to grow up and move away. I know a lot of people look forward to the day that their kids fly away from the nest. I'm not one of them. They'd better give me lots of grandchildren to make up for it!!!!

Hang in there with me while I work through my background drama! I'll decide sooner or later! I've wasted so much time fiddlin' with this today. So, PUZZLED seemed to fit for the moment. Who knows where it'll end up!

Another update: Beth like the Puzzle background, but this one is sooo me! We'll see how long it stays.

So much for the Geek Squad

2009-03-14T09:54:00.003-04:00

I'm back on my little gem of a laptop, no thanks to the Geek Squad at that B B store.

My laptop had been acting a little funny for a couple of days prior to it going completely dark on me and my thinking was that it had something to do with the AC adaptor or the battery. Even when it was plugged in it was showing that it was on battery power. Then the other day it wouldn't even turn on. We quickly learned how easily we come to take things for granted! It was so frustrating! I had a busy work week and decided I could live without it until the weekend. NOT! So, before I went to work on Thursday I stopped by Best Buy with it and stood in line for what seemed hours to have them check out the AC adaptor and battery. The guy plugged it in to three different adaptors and the little light on the front still wouldn't light up. So he told me that it had to be the motherboard that was shot. He gave me the telephone number for HP and told me to call them and get a new one. I was disappointed, but resigned to the fact that this was not going to be a quick fix.

When I got back in my car I decided to call my brother and ask him what he thought of that diagnosis. He told me to take it to his friend who works at a computer store that also services computers and maybe he could sell me a motherboard cheaper than HP would. I had about 45 minutes before I had to be at work so I ran over there with my little sick laptop.

Ricky turned it over and took out every component: memory, CD drive, and other things that I don't even know the names for! He then put everything back in, plugged it in to a new HP adaptor and pushed the button to power it up. Eureka!!! Bells and whistles.....she powered up!
He said that Best Buy had probably used generic adaptors and that he'd used the HP adaptor that was specific to my computer. Total cost: $25.00. Ricky is my "Person of the Week"!!!

The lesson I learned is that the Geek Squad is not the last word in computer diagnostics.

(UH OH! I just tried to add a picture and it won't let me. I'm hoping that is a temporary blogger problem and not a computer problem.)

Technology...grrrrrr

2009-03-09T10:56:00.002-04:00

I am currently experiencing computer problems.

The desktop (I am currently using to post this) is such a relic that the pictures aren't even showing up when I try to read your blogs (and I soo adore looking at pictures!). My laptop has suddenly refused to turn on; not sure if it's the actual computer or if it's the battery or adapter or both. Since a new computer is most definitely not in the budget for right now I'll muddle through with what is available at the moment.

I've asked the universe for a new computer...stand by!

It's been a "Good News Week"

2009-02-28T03:55:00.006-05:00

When I saw this picture my heart smiled!!! It makes me think about the future with our little Brooks. I plan on seeing him sitting at a little table like this at my house A LOT!! I know I said I wanted a little girl and I still want a granddaughter and I am sure I will have one someday, but knowing that Sarah and Bennie's baby is a boy has made all of this grandmother business so much more real to me. It's no longer just a baby...it's our little baby boy Brooks!!! I can't wait to tell this little boy how wanted he is and how grateful we all are to have him in our lives. I want to rock him and read to him and help him plant his first flower and watch him play ball and go to his school programs and anything and everything else he wants me to be involved in. He's not even here yet and he's already made my life happier! I wish every child born in this world could be born being as loved and cared for as this little boy will be.

The picture below I found somewhere on the Internet and it just summed up how I feel today. GRATEFUL!! My heart is so grateful and in love with the world.

Something else happened today to make me happy (how much happiness can a heart stand in one day???)

These pictures are of Wendell and Emily. Those of you who have read me for a while know the story of Emily so you can appreciate how thankful I am to have her in my life on a daily basis (even if she does live 12 hours away!). She brought Wendell home to meet us last summer and we all loved him. He is an answer to a mother's prayer for her daughter. They are so happy together and he is so very good to her.

We got a call tonight...THEY ARE ENGAGED!!! He took her on a trip out of town and while out to dinner he got on his knees in the middle of the restaurant and proposed to her! We knew this was coming this weekend because he called earlier and asked for our blessing. What a sweetheart he is and we look forward to welcoming him into our family. Emily is over the moon and I can't wait to see her! Sarah, Austin and I are planning to go visit them over spring break in April. Can't wait!

And the frosting on the cake of my good news week is that I'm off work till Tuesday!!!!! So much to do around here and all I want to do is sleep and eat!!!

I saw my grandbaby again today!

2009-02-25T13:33:00.008-05:00

I went with Sarah and Bennie for her ultrasound today. The technician told us right up front that we probably wouldn't be able to determine the sex of the baby today. She said that at the next ultrasound appointment in four weeks we'd have a much better chance so we resigned ourselves to the fact that today would not be "Reveal day"!

Just look at this precious little baby. It was stretching and moving and kicking all over the place. I wish I'd taken a picture of Sarah and Bennie's faces as they watched this. It was one of those priceless moments in life. Bennie was in absolute awe, and the expression on his face is one I will never forget. So sweet! We just couldn't get enough of looking at this precious baby.

Pardon the tilt of the picture. Sarah was so excited when she was scanning it that she didn't get it in the scanner straight.

And then, she moved the wand and what should appear on the screen?

Are you ready?

Are you sure?

Wait for it.....

Wait....

Wait....

It's sooo worth the wait....

IT'S A BOY!!!!!!!!!

It's Benjamin Brooks Hoskins and the technician said there is absolutely no doubt about it!

Did I mention that I fell in love on the spot? I'm in so much trouble! I can't wait to hold him and spoil him absolutely rotten.

2009-02-24T11:05:00.002-05:00

This picture has nothing to do with what I'm going to write, I have just made the decision to look at pretty things, preferably pretty things that speak to me of warmer weather. Aren't those roses pretty? I can almost smell them!

I have to work today. I will go in at 3:00 pm and get off at 7:00 am. As usual, I've not had the proper amount of sleep but maybe I can make it up tomorrow. When I get off in the morning I am going to hang out at the hospital for breakfast and then meet Sarah and Bennie at 9:30 for her ultrasound. Cross your fingers that Jellybean gets in a position so we can tell boy or girl. I'm dying to start making blankets and gowns and anything else "baby" that I can come up with.

Have any of you seen the show "What would you do"? They stage these scenarios that put people in a position where they have to make the decision to get involved, protect someone, speak up or call the police. I love the show and look forward to watching it every week (isn't DVR wonderful!). It will really make you think! I am someone who avoids confrontation like the plaque! This is not necessarily a good thing, but it's how I am. While watching this show I've had to confront this about myself and it's caused some very real internal dialogue.

First of all I wonder why it is that I avoid confrontation. I don't have an answer to that yet. I think that I've spent so much time around people who seem to relish confrontation that I've come to see it as a negative. So, maybe I've over compensated for it. I've actually not really been in a position anything like the scenarios they've showcased on the show so I can't actually say what I'd do if I were in those situations. My gut tells me that I would step in if a child's safety were involved, in fact I know that I would. Another of the situations that really made me angry was when they had an elderly person in a wheelchair and the "caretaker" was being verbally abusive. That would also get my ire up. I detest cruelty. So, these two things are no-brainers for me. The nurturer in me would step up. However, if I saw my best friend's husband out in a restaurant kissing another woman I don't think I'd confront him. Would I tell her? It would depend on the situation and the friend. Human behaviour is a very interesting thing isn't it? What would you do? Does watching this show make you think?

Yes, Melissa, there is a thing called Spring!!!!

2009-02-23T11:38:00.006-05:00

I simply have to have some "pretty" today! So I'm going through some pictures from my yard when flowers were blooming. Call it therapy. Call it whatever you want but you have to agree that the colors are good for the soul!!

I have been looking through gardening magazines and I have such big plans for this year. I can't wait to smell the dirt and cut off my fingernails in anticipation of playing in that dirt.

These are my lilac bushes beside the garage. They will be the first thing to bloom and I can be found with my face buried in their sweetness for loooong minutes at a time. I love to bring in dozens of bouquets and fill the house with their sweet smell. Ohhh I just can't wait!

I can't take it anymore!!!!

2009-02-21T06:13:00.003-05:00

I am alive and well. But I'm so sick of winter I could scream!

Since starting the new work schedule at the beginning of December (2 double shifts a week eight hour shifts every other weekend), I feel like a zombie. I am like a newborn baby that has it's days and nights mixed up. It's been the most frustrating thing. I think the fact that it's winter hasn't helped at all. I need sunshine and hot weather and flowers to play in outside. When I'm not tossing and turning in bed trying to fall asleep, I'm either at work or trying (emphasis on trying) to get house and home work done as I yawn non-stop and crave my bed and sleep. I just can't get it all together.

As I have tossed and turned, I've thought of soooo many things I'd like to blog about. But I'm supposed to be sleeping and I convince myself that if I get out of bed and turn on the laptop I'll never get to sleep. So, I stay in bed and toss and turn and then an hour later I'm reminding myself that I could have already posted it by now! It's making me lazy, it's making me frustrated and the dark circles under my eyes now have their own dark circles.

I'm thinking (hoping) that when the weather breaks I will come out of this funk and that my body will figure it all out. Something has to give, that's for sure.

Enough whining!

Sarah Kate is doing great!!!! She is now 15 weeks. She is still battling the nausea and vomiting but we're hoping that surely she is about to be finished with that. She's had two ultrasounds so far and the baby is just fine. This Wednesday she is having another ultrasound and we're hoping we'll know if it's a boy or girl. Of course all we want is a healthy baby but I've gotta tell you that if I could push a button and get the one I want I'd push the girl button! This is a little unusual for me too because I adore little boys (I think they're easier to raise!), but I am just so ready to have a little girl around to play with and do girlie things with. Actually, Bennie wants a girl too. But Sarah very much wants a little boy. If it's a girl her name is going to be Elliana and we'll call her Elli. If it's a boy his name will be Benjamin Brooks and we'll call him Brooks. But, like I said, I don't really care what it is as long as it's healthy and happy.

I've been thinking about so many things lately (tossing and turning is very conducive to thinking!) and I'm hoping that I can step out of my comfort zone enough to post them here in the near future and see if the world keeps on turning!

I've been so bad about getting around to visiting everyone lately, it will take me weeks to get caught up. Don't give up on me. I'll get there.

Everyone stay warm and please join me in manifesting a verrry fast arrival of Spring!

Lessons in tempting fate...

2009-01-26T06:03:00.003-05:00

I made a huge mistake the other day. I knew even as the words were coming out of my mouth that I was tempting fate but did I heed the warning I heard going off in my head...nooo! I was talking to Emily on the phone telling her how everyone around here has had a terrible cold and fever. She warned me to watch out that I didn't get it. And that's when I got so dang sure of myself. I just puffed out my chest and chuckled as I went on and on about how I'm immune to all those germs that the mere mortal members of my family so weakly surrendered to. I recounted the patients I've taken care of over the past years that have exposed me to every germ known to man only to have those germs bounce off of my Teflon resistance. "Don't worry about me", I said, I laugh in the face of a measly little rhinovirus". Yeah, I'm stupid.

Less than twelve hours later my throat felt a little scratchy. A few hours after that as I was a little over four hours in to a sixteen and a half hour shift my glands became swollen and it's been nothing but downhill ever since. I've taken every over the counter remedy I can think of and nothing helps. (What they say is true; if you treat a cold it lasts for a week, if you don't treat it, it lasts seven days.) It boggles the mind how much snot one head can manufacture.

I have decided that the person who thought of putting lotion into tissues should be granted sainthood immediately. Having said that, it needs more work because after two days of blowing and wiping no amount of lotion works.

And then today, which is day four of my comeuppance, I have alternated between having a tissue stuffed up BOTH nostrils because of the constant drip..drip...drip, to being not able to breathe through my nose AT ALL! I mean really, it's like someone filled my nostrils with concrete. I'm such a fun girl!! While typing this paragraph I've experienced both!

So, I've learned my lesson. Yessireebob! Never ever again will I boast about something NEVER happening to me. Color me humble (with a very red nose).

But oh, I almost forgot to mention one little thing. Have I ever told you all how I've NEVER EVER won the lottery? I haven't, and I am just so very proud of that. No way am I ever going to win some silly lottery, I'm immune!

Won't you be my neighbor?

2009-01-20T03:58:00.002-05:00

Austin and I made a quick run to the library tonight. (it's a secret fantasy of mine to be locked up in the library for a week!!!) While he browsed in the children's section I was in my own little piece of heaven on earth just browsing to my hearts content. I had heard of this book about Fred Rogers before and in fact I almost bought it last month when I was redeeming my Barnes & Noble gift card online.

My kids watched Mr Roger's Neighborhood when they were little and I loved to listen to his calming voice as I took advantage of them being occupied by cleaning or doing laundry or cooking dinner. Fred Rogers has been the butt of many jokes, not the least of which was by SNL. He was, I suppose, an easy target. What a shame. It was always evident to me that he really knew how to talk to kids. I didn't know a whole lot about him then, just that my kids liked his show and I was comfortable with his message.

In recent years I've read a little more about him and everything I have read only supported my previous opinion of him. So, I was happy to see the above book in a library display tonight. I snatched it up and started reading it as soon as things settled down here tonight. I am only on page 27 of 198 pages and already I know that this little gem of a book is going to be one of my all time favorites. In fact, I have already decided that each of my kids will have their own copy of it in the very near future. I am also going to buy a copy for myself because already in 27 pages I've had to remind myself that this is a library book and I'm not allowed to highlight anything.

Do yourself a favor and buy yourself a copy of this little book. In fact, buy several copies and give them to those you love. There are lessons here that will speak to your heart, I promise.

What day is it?

2009-01-18T02:32:00.003-05:00

Since the first of December I've been doing two double shifts (evening/night) a week on Tuesdays and Thursdays and every other weekend I do an eight hour evening shift on Saturday and Sunday. In the beginning, it wasn't too bad. Actually, it's still not too bad; well the actually working the sifts aren't' so bad, I mean. The thing that is proving to be my undoing is living a life in between the days that I work. I cannot fall asleep before 6 am on the nights that I am off so then I can't get up and get going on the following day. I feel like all I do is sleep and work. I hope I get this figured out soon. I don't think the cold weather is helping. Hopefully when Spring gets here I'll be more willing to crawl out from under warm blankets and get something done.

It's been the strangest thing though, I have found that I actually enjoy work more since I'm doing the doubles. I don't know why...I just am. Verry strange.

Because of my schedule, I can't seem to keep up with journaling and reading either. I miss getting around to everyone like I used to and I apologize for my tardiness. Hang in there with me, I'll get this all figured out eventually.

Sarah update: She had her second ultrasound this past Tuesday and everything is wonderful! She said she could see the baby swimming around and moving all over. They are so excited and we are all on cloud nine in anticipation of this little miracle making it's appearance in August. I simply can't wait to get my hands on that baby!!

Emily update: She went to the oncologist and was told that the LEEP procedure that she will have is absolutely NOT emergent. In fact, she told her to concentrate on her studying ( she's studying for her CMA exam, it's like the CPA exam only it's for Certified Management Accountant instead of Certified Public Accountant), she said they would do the procedure in May. Amazing!!!! Thank you God.

Patrick and Amber update: They are busy planning their wedding for October 17. I cannot believe that he's finally getting married!!! But I'll warn you all right now; the last couple of weeks before that wedding when I realize that he's not going to be here anymore, I'm going to be a basket case! I love Amber, am glad that they're getting married, but this kid has been my rock for so long that I can't imagine not having him around on a daily basis. He's such a doll.

Our new kittens are going to be 5 weeks old tomorrow and they are getting so big...running around and starting to eat cat food. I need to work on finding homes for them. I don't look forward to that.

I HAVE THE BEST NEWS!!!!!

2009-01-06T03:31:00.002-05:00

I had to wait until today to get the confirmation before I said anything but I now have that confirmation and we are so so so grateful!!!

Emily does not have Stage ll cancer!!!!!

Her doctor in Florida is foreign and has a different terminology than is common when interpreting pathology reports. I have also since found out that cervical cancer cannot be staged based on colposcopy ( you cannot imagine the research I've done!!). Anyway, the terminology used in a colposcopy path report is CIN l, CIN ll, and, CIN lll. Emily's doctor, when giving her the results told her that she had Phase ll cervical cancer. Everyone I was talking to here (KY), kept talking in terms of CIN. So, we asked to have her pathology report faxed to me and I checked with my neighbor who is a Nurse Practitioner/Midwife and does colposcopies herself. When I showed her the path report she said that it did NOT indicate cancer at all!!! What she has is precancerous and will require a LEEP procedure (done in the office!) and that is all that will be required. No hysterectomy, no surgery, NO CANCER!!!

It's been almost two weeks of hell. All for nothing, apparently. I can't really be mad about it because I'm too relieved and grateful.

Don't think that any of your prayers were wasted...they weren't. I literally felt prayer keeping me together and positive. I will never ever forget the support and love that came flowing to me and never could I tell you all how much I appreciate it. You ALL will remain in my prayers. You are all such wonderfully loving and giving people and I thank God that I am a part of such a community. Please, please always let me know when you need special prayers. Mine today are full of thanksgiving.

Bless you one and all.

I saw my grandbaby today!!!

2008-12-30T17:58:00.003-05:00

This isn't our baby, but this is pretty much exactly what we saw. This ultrasound was taken at 7 weeks 2 days also.

Today was such a GOOD DAY!!! Austin and I went with Sarah and Bennie to her first ultrasound. They were nervous wrecks! Although she has been very nauseated and tired, I don't think they were allowing themselves to believe there was really a baby there. I wasn't worried about that, she's got too many physical symptoms for there not to be a baby there! I was anxious to see how many there would be! She had two eggs when they did the insemination. I just knew there were going to be two.

When that screen came on and we could see that little bean in there and see it's little heart beating I was overcome with emotion. That's my baby's baby!!! There are just not words to describe that feeling. It was absolutely incredible. She measured at 7 weeks and two days and her due date is August 16th. The doctor and the nurse kept referring me to as Grandma! I've never been referred to as Grandma in my life and ya know what? I loooved it! We could see the heart beating and then we HEARD IT, 168 beats per minute ( I predict a girl)!! I remember hearing my own babies heartbeats for the first time and this was even better than that!!! Sweetest sound I've ever heard. And the looks on Bennie and Sarah's face was priceless. They are so happy.

The doctor and nurse were so happy. This is an infertility clinic so achieving a pregnancy isn't something that they take for granted there and that was very obvious. They understood the emotion we displayed and were very celebratory with us. When they were finished, the nurse took Sarah to another room to draw some blood for labs and Bennie, Austin and I were standing in the hallway looking at the boards of baby pictures representing their successes. I heard the Doctor call out to me "Grandma, come here, I have something for you.". It made me nervous wondering what in the world he could want with me and I nervously walked back to him. He handed me a diaper that had their office logo embroidered on it and said to me, "We've got to get her to 12 weeks, and we're very optimistic. When she hits 12 weeks, Grandma can give her this."
I thought that was so sweet!

She has another ultrasound in 2 weeks. They're keeping a close watch on her, but they don't expect any problems.

One miracle on the way!!!!!

A picture of happiness

2008-12-27T05:29:00.002-05:00

See these wonderful people? Every single one of them was around our tree this year. The rule on Christmas morning is that everyone has to come in their pajamas (or what they slept in!) So they're not made up and their hair isn't styled(Sarah says Bennie even sleeps in his hat!), but they are beautiful! Austin looks unhappy in this picture, don't know what was up with that face because believe you me, he was one happy kid! Sarah and Bennie are in the back standing on the hearth, Patrick and Amber are on the left and Emily and Wendell are on the right, with Austin, of course, in front.

At one point on Christmas morning I looked around the room and saw all my kids together, laughing and hugging each other and just having a good time together and it was one of those moments in time that you just want to freeze and savor. Nothing is promised to us. No one knows what tomorrow, or next week, or next year will bring our way. So, when it's good, (and this was soooo verrrry good) we need to soak up those times, remember the smell, the feel, the sounds of it all. I did that, over and over and over.

Emily is in good spirits and Wendell is being wonderful with her. This is the second time that he's been here to visit with us and I thank God for bringing him into her life. He is just a great guy and anyone watching them together can tell that they are very much in love. She so deserves him. They have a very frightening and trying time ahead of them. I have no doubt but that he'll be there taking care of her every step of the way.

We often wonder about God's timing, or at least I do. In the past several days I have been able to look at so many things and see God's perfect timing. It's no accident that Emily was able to get away from her unkind ex husband when she did. Very soon after she left him she met Wendell at the gym where she works out. Some have said that it was too fast for her to meet someone. I believe that God was the one orchestrating that particular meeting. He knew that she was going to need someone like Wendell in her life. I've never seen her so happy. He is so obviously devoted to her and after the way she was treated in her marriage it is like balm for my soul to see someone appreciate her and treat her with such love and kindness. How could I not love someone who does that for my daughter. He's also the Santa's helper that suggested that they come "home" to Kentucky for Christmas (He is from Illinois). I had an emotional moment on Christmas Eve when Emily was in another room and I hugged him and thanked him for bringing her home for Christmas. He said to me, "Please don't cry or you'll make me cry. It was my pleasure to bring her home for Christmas."

We have laughed and hugged and played games. They have gone to movies, museums, and met with friends. I've worked two shifts since they have been here and slept fast so we could spend more time together. We haven't done a lot of talking about the cancer. She will go home this weekend and we're working on getting a name of a specialist for her to see once she gets home. I've asked everyone I know to pray for her and I have every reason to believe that she will be cured. Anything less is just not acceptable. If the faith of a mustard seed can move a mountain, this is going to be a piece of cake, because I've got enough faith to fill an entire country.

I've said so many times that she is spunky, determined, smart, goal oriented and a go getter. Well, cancer has met it's match with my girl. When she sets her mind to do something, put it in the bank, it's gonna happen. She's finally found happiness and our family is whole again. Miracles happen....hold on.

THANK YOU & MERRY CHRISTMAS

2008-12-25T02:43:00.002-05:00

It's almost 3 am on Christmas morning and I slept three hours this afternoon after working all night on Tuesday night, and I have to be up in 3 hours to start the Christmas happenings around here. BUT...I simply could not go to bed without stopping by here for a minute to tell you all that YOU ARE THE ABSOLUTE BEST PEOPLE ON THE PLANET!!!! I am going to personally answer every comment and email that I've received as soon as I can. You wonderful people have no idea the impact you've made on my life in the past two days. You. Just. Don't. Know. I love each and every one of you and will never in my life forget the power of your words and prayers.

Emily and Wendell got in last night. We are enjoying family time and looking forward to wonderful things to come. I don't think I've ever in my life experienced a hug like the one she and I shared when I finally got her in my arms. My Christmas baby will be sitting in her place under our tree in the morning and that is such a miracle! God is so good.

I promise a longer post later. I have to work again Christmas night but as soon as I'm rested up a little and can find a few minute to sit down here, I will update you on what's going on.

In the meantime, I want each and every one of you to know how special you are and I want you to know how much I appreciate your words and prayers. They have literally held me up. We're gonna make it.

Merry, Merry, Merry Christmas to each and every one of you. I love you all.

Please, Please pray...

2008-12-23T15:28:00.002-05:00

We found out this morning that Emily has Stage II cervical cancer. I can't believe that I've even just typed those words.

She had an irregular pap smear about a month ago...then a colposcopy 2 weeks ago and got the results this morning. She is devastated and is getting ready to get on a plane to come home right now. I have to be strong and positive when she gets here. I'm feeling neither of those things right now. I cannot lose this precious girl.

Please pray for her and for us to be strong for her. If you know of any prayer chains at your church or anywhere at all could you please put her name on it for me?

I believe in miracles. I so believe in miracles and we need one.

Little update on Sarah Kate

2008-12-22T23:32:00.004-05:00

Sarah and Bennie on their wedding day ~ June 5, 2005

I love pictures, so since I'm updating you all on Sarah it's only fitting that I post some pictures of her right? Good! So glad you agree! lol

This is a picture of Sarah Kate with her "baby" Samson. I thought I'd give everyone an update on her since you all helped pray this little miracle into existence!!!

This is a picture of Sarah with Bennie (the only time I've ever seen him without a hat was on their wedding day!) He is a sweetheart and I love him like he's one of my own kids. Come to think of it, he is one of my kids! lol

So...here comes the update:
She is is soooo pregnant! Miserably sick and tired kind of pregnant! And soooo grateful for every wave of nausea and drop dead tired day!!

Next Tuesday she has her first ultrasound. And guess who has been invited to come? I'm so excited! And you know that if this Grandmother gets a chance that there will be a picture to share! Ohh you all are going to be so tired of pictures of this kid over the next 18 yrs or so! lol

Which reminds me...I need a name for this little person to call me. Any ideas?

Addendum to previous post...

2008-12-21T16:57:00.002-05:00

I knew there was something that I forgot to say in the last post and it's a very important part of this story.

For the nine years that we dealt with this situation and most especially the time between that horrible Christmas in 2004 and last year, I tried to "fix" things. I tried every way I knew to restore the peace, make things better, and heal hurts. Did you get that "I" tried. It wasn't until I realized that this was out of my hands and really learned to "let go and let God" that things began to change. (Things were changing without my knowledge almost immediately after I "let go".) Once I was able to do that I was then able to truly forgive this person. I read a lot about forgiveness and truly didn't think it was something that I was going to be able to do. But I kept remembering a quote that I had read that said, "To refuse to forgive someone that has done you wrong is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die". (I didn't want him to die, but I sure wanted him to change!) And, so, I decided that I was not going to allow him to affect my life like I'd been letting him affect it for all these years. I truly forgave him. I prayed for him. I prayed for my daughter and I left it in God's hands. I continued to send her loving emails and birthday presents and just accepted the situation for what it was. I knew that "someday" we would have her back. In short, I quit fighting the situation and just loved her where she was whether she loved me or not. Once I did that, I had a peace that I hadn't had in a very long time. And what I now know is that when I did that, things started changing on the other end.

I don't know how any of you feel about psychics, but I talked to one in June. She told me things about all my kids. She told me that Sarah would be pregnant with babies in late summer or Fall( she got pregnant in the Fall! we shall see if it's baby or babies!). She told me that Patrick was going to be getting engaged to a very sweet girl with dark hair (the next month he proposed to sweet dark headed Amber!), And then she told me that I had a dark haired daughter that lived out of city or state and that she was married to someone that was mentally cruel to her and that she was very unhappy and missed her family. She said that she would be leaving him and that we were going to be very happy about this news (this woman knew nothing about our situation). I asked her when this was likely to happen and she said it would be within the next 12 months. The VERY NEXT DAY, Emily emailed her sister and told her that she had moved out!!! I called her immediately and she was home for a visit within two weeks!

The point of this post is to prove the power of "letting go" and truly forgiving. I am convinced that if I had not done those things we would still be missing our girl.

I also want to say that as horrible as these years have been, Emily and I both have said that they were worth the pain and anguish to have what we have now. Some very important life lessons were learned by all of us, they were learned the hard way. I would go through it again to have the sweetness that we have now.

Miracles happen....hold on

2008-12-21T02:16:00.003-05:00

Below I'm re posting an entry from my old AOL journal from Christmas 2005. I wasn't sure if I should do this or not, but I've decided that there may be someone somewhere that needs some hope. If someone had told me in 2005 that in 2008 this situation could be so different, I probably would not have believed them. In fact, I know I wouldn't have. Let me give you a little background:

Our middle daughter, Emily is one of the most independent, spunky, smart, determined, and goal-oriented people I've ever known in my life. (I think I just said that very thing in a recent post, but, hey, it's true!). She was seeing a boy while she was in high school that we were unaware of. Looking back on it later, we should have realized she was seeing someone on the sly because there was no boyfriend in the picture and she was a very happy teenage girl. Anyway, right before Austin was born we discovered she was seeing this boy/man. By then she was 17 years old and had been seeing him for two years. The reason she hid this from us was because he was five years older than her. So, when she was 17, he was 22. Granted, she was a very mature 17 year old, she was always older than her years, but her father just simply would not allow it. My opinion at the time was that it was too late to shut the barn door after the cows were already out. Her Dad, however, could not and would not have it. Sooo, he drew the line in the sand and forbid her to see him. I told him that she was going to sneak and see him anyway and reminded him that she would be 18 on her next birthday and we would end up losing her if he insisted on standing firm on this. He wouldn't budge and of course when she turned 18 she moved out and continued to see him. They moved to Florida. She finished college (she has her bachelor's degree in Accounting and is now studying for her CMA). Remember how I said she was goal oriented and determined? She did this entirely on her own, while working full time and supporting herself. I should interject here that it was not only the age difference that was the problem with the boyfriend. We had heard from several people who knew his family that he had some mental issues. He had been abused as a child and had problems getting along with people.

They lived in Florida for several years and got married in April two years ago. We were not invited.

Four years ago I was determined to do whatever was necessary to repair our relationship with her. I begged her to bring him and come home for Christmas. I sat everyone here down and told them that we were going to accept him and learn to love him. I went on and on about how it didn't matter what we thought or felt about him, that Emily had chosen him and that if we wanted to have her in our life then we were just going to have to accept him. I thought about the kind of childhood he'd had and was determined to make him feel loved and accepted. I went Christmas shopping for him with love in my heart. I was so excited when they came! He didn't want to come and it was obvious from the moment they walked in the door. I have to hand it to my gang though, even my husband, everyone welcomed him with hugs and smiles and as far as we were concerned the hatchet was buried (there were many things that happened in the previous years that didn't help his case around here). He walked in the door with a chip on his shoulder and it was obvious that he wasn't going to play nice. We were nice to him. In fact, we were very nice to him. Long story short, on Christmas night, with family all around, he jumped up and began calling us all very ugly names and informed Emily that they were "getting out of here". She had been a nervous wreck the entire 4 days that they'd been here and was not at all the same girl that had moved to Florida. They jumped up, grabbed their coats and their dog and out the door they went with him spewing vile names and filthy language the whole time. It was simply the absolute worst day of my entire life and it felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I didn't think I would ever be able to smile again. My daughter had just left my house with a crazy man and all of their Christmas presents were left in a heap mocking me. The next 3 1/2 years were horrible. There was a huge hole in our lives. The estrangement was so very painful and I could see no way that it could ever be healed. I wrote countless letters and tried to stay in contact but it felt like I was talking to a stranger. I prayed daily for a resolution and my heart was filled with hate for "him". You know what they say about hate....it will eat you up and I was one miserable person.

Here is my journal entry from three years ago this Christmas:

The tree is up and decorated. The ingredients for the annual cookie bake are bought . I've made a dent in the Christmas shopping. I have "Believe" signs all over the house. I've played my favorite Christmas music for a week. We've had the annual viewing of PRANCER (one of my all time favorite Christmas movies.) We've watched POLAR EXPRESS and read Christmas stories. I've worn Christmas sweaters and Christmas scrubs. I've opened several Christmas cards already. I'm trying. I'm really trying to get myself in the right frame of mind for Christmas. I'm not doing so well at it though.
I have always loved Christmas. I've loved everything about it, even down to the mind numbing stress of it all. But this year, I just wish we could skip the whole extravaganza.

Last year was the worst Christmas I've ever spent in my entire life. A Grinch was in my house last year and I do mean a real live Grinch. He managed to ruin my most favorite day of the year, and many hours of every day since then. His behavior was so horrid that it overshadowed every sweet and good thing that the day has always represented to me. He left our home , taking with him one of the people I treasure most in this world, my daughter. It doesn't seem possible to me that a whole year has passed. It feels like it was yesterday. The feelings are just as raw and exposed today as they were then. I've done everything I know to do to undo the damage he has done to my family. It has all been for naught. He ended up getting exactly what he wanted., and is perfectly happy with the carnage he has left in his wake. I harbor feelings for this person that no one should have towards anyone. It has poisoned me. It has done something to my heart that I can't find a way to repair. And it hangs over my Christmas like an anvil.

Children grow up. It's a wonderful thing. I've often commented to people how cool it is to have adult children. I enjoy my adult children so much. We never stop being parents, but it's so nice when you realize that you've raised these neat people and they finally become your friends. I enjoy my daughter, Sarah Kate and son, Patrick. They make me smile all the time. I love them fiercely and know that they love me. They try so hard to make up for the heartache of last Christmas, a heartache that they've suffered as well and had no part in causing. One child cannot replace another. I don't know how to enjoy Christmas when one of my children is so obviously absent from us. She was my Christmas baby. She is my Christmas baby. My heart needs her. Not just at Christmas, but every day of the year.

This is probably Austin's last year to be a complete believer in the magic that surrounds Christmas. His friends (darn them) are intent upon ridding him of his innocence. I want this Christmas to be a very memorable one for him. I want this to be a very good and memorable Christmas for us all. But when we all wake up on Christmas morning this year and gather around the tree and begin the multiple little traditions we have been performing for years around here on Christmas mornings, there will be an empty place. That empty place looms large in front of me. I don't want to see it. I don't want to feel the feelings that go with it. I want my Christmas baby back. I want that precious girl to see what love really is and I want her out of the clutches of the Grinch. Santa, bring my baby back to me.

Well, what a difference time can make. This past summer, Emily left this man. They are now divorced and she is once again the happy, funny girl that we remember. She came home and visited twice since June and our relationship is not only restored, but better than it's ever been. She has been miserable for a very long time and finally was able to break free and get her life back. I wish you could hear the joy in her voice when I talk to her almost every day on the phone. She has a new boyfriend and we have met him. He is such a nice guy and is so good to her. He is the answer to my prayers! They are very serious already and we are very happy for her. They are coming home for Christmas on Tuesday night and I cannot wait to get my arms around her. Santa is bringing my baby back to me!!!!!!

I tell this story for a reason. Sometimes we think that our situation, whatever it is, will never change. We think that things can't get better, that miracles can't happen and that relationships are ruined. I am here to tell you that miracles do happen. If you knew how seemingly hopeless this situation was and how totally restored it is now you would understand. So, if you are living through something now that makes you feel like giving up....hold on. If your heart is broken....hold on. If you feel lost....hold on. Love can conquer anything. I have proof and that proof will walk in my door on Tuesday night.

A trip down memory lane...

2008-12-16T01:45:00.018-05:00

I was looking through a disc of scanned old pictures today and was transported back to when my grown kids were little. The quality of these pictures is not up to today's standards but the memories are no less precious. These won't mean much of anything to anyone else, but they are among my most treasured possessions. Feel free to skip over this post if it bores you, but I want to incorporate these pictures here for myself.

This is actually from a disc that Emily made, so a few of them are of her alone. Just so you know I'm not being partial here! (I have no favorites!)

This is Sarah Kate, She was either in 3rd or 4th grade, and she and her little friend were in the Star Search Talent Contest at their school. I made their skirts out of felt. They sang HE'S A REBEL. Soo darn cute.

This is me holding Patrick on New Year's Eve 1981. Would you look at all that natural collagen in my face!! I want it back. Now!

These pictures didn't load in the order that I wanted them to and I can't figure out how to move them around (if anyone knows how to do that could you please tutor me?!) This is Patrick, Emily and Sarah dressed up for Halloween. I think this was about 1990. Emily (glasses) did this character she called "Aunt Emma", it was a hoot. I would give anything to have that on video. Aunt Emma made many appearances over the years.

Here they are on the first day of school 1988. Patrick - 3rd grade, Emily - 1st grade, and Sarah - Kindergarten.

This one was a year earlier, when Patrick was in second grade and Emily was in Kindergarten.

This was their Christmas picture one year. They were about 5, 3, and 2.

This was their summer picture in 1984

This was taken the summer before in 1983

Here are Patrick and Emily - Christmas 1982. We were awaiting the arrival of Sarah Kate.

Patrick and Emily, Summer 1983. Love the hat!!

This is Emily at Kiawah Island, South Carolina. We used to vacation there almost every summer. This has always been one of my very favorite pictures of her.(I think the reason is obvious!

This one I love because when Emily came home from the first day of Kindergarten and I asked her how she liked school she put her little hands on her hips and said, "I don't like it. They DIDN'T teach me to read today!" And let me tell you, she meant it. Soo, she taught herself to read over the next several days. I kid you not. And that is Emily in a nutshell. When she makes up her mind to do something, you can put it in the bank. It's gonna happen. The most goal-oriented person I've ever known in my life. (When I grow up, I wanna be just like her!!)

Here are Emily and Sarah on Christmas morning 1985

This is to prove that I have no vanity, apparently!!!! What in the world was up with my hair? I think it had something to do with having three kids under the age of 5!! Get a load of those pinstriped jeans!

Three Babies!!!!!

2008-12-14T22:03:00.008-05:00

Noooooo! Not THOSE babies! Gotcha, didn't I? But, who knows? Maybe!

Nope, the three babies that I'm talking about are of the feline persuasion. We rescued three kittens in June. I put them up for adoption on Craig's List and found a home for one of them. The little Tom of the three ran away in August and I fell in love with the frisky one of the group (who we THOUGHT was a male) and so we named HIM Charlie. Well, it turns out that Charlie is a little girl kitty and not only that, but is apparently a little hussy as well. We actually figured out that Charlie was a girl and I was planning on getting her spayed. I thought I had at least another month or so. NOT! She is an outside cat (husband doesn't like cats) but she mostly lives in the garage. Several weeks ago I noticed two huge puncture wounds on her neck. I was doctoring them with peroxide and antibiotic ointment. Things weren't getting any better so we started her on some Clindamycin antb. drops and I continued daily BID antibiotic ointment treatments. Her neck is waaaay better. I noticed, though, that as her neck was improving her girth was expanding. Could it be? Yes! It was! She was pregnant. Then I figured out that her neck was injured during the mating process. After some reading on the Internet I discovered that the male cat often holds the female down by biting her neck. (Aren't ya glad you're not a cat?!!!) Dang Tom Cat!!!

When I was feeding her yesterday and cleaning out her litter box I suspected that the babies were going to make their appearance in the next day or two. Well, today was the day. They weren't there this morning late, but around 3:00 there they were! I'm so sorry I missed the birth. I would have loved for Austin to have been able to witness it.

They are so cute and she is such a good Mama. I'm finding it really hard to leave her alone with them. And darn it, I know what is going to happen. I'm going to get so attached in the next few weeks and it's going to be very hard for me to part with them. But, part with them I must. And as soon as is possible, Charlie is going to be having a little surgery.

PAY IT FORWARD

2008-12-14T04:00:00.003-05:00

I recently found a very cool journal. http://cw2smom-wearinmyheartonmysleeve.blogspot.com/ Wearin' My Heart On My Sleeve. You must go check Lisa out. Leave her some love! Anyway, while I was there I found this little Pay It Forward Giveaway. I was lucky enough to be in the first three to say YES!

The giveaway part actually comes from you, and you, and you.

The rules, such as they are, are really quite simple:

1. Be one of the first three bloggers to leave a comment on this post, where the first word in the comment is YES! By saying yes, you signify you want to participate in this giveaway. Being one of the first three to say yes will then entitle you to a Homemade/Creative gift from ME!

2. You must post this challenge on your blog, meaning that you then must pay it forward, creating a handmade gift for the first three bloggers (actually the first three who say YES!) who leave a comment on YOUR post about this giveaway!

3. The gift that you make and send to your three friends can be in any price range and you'll have 365 days to make/ship your item. This means you should be willing to maintain your blog at least until you receive your gift and have shipped your gifts, and, remember: it’s the spirit and the thought that counts!

4. When you receive your gift, please feel free to blog about it, sharing the appropriate Linky Love!If you are not one of the top three commenter's on today’s post, you’re still a winner in this time of grace and giving. Please take this symbol of the seasonal spirit and post it on your blog; start your own pay it forward chain, and encourage your bloggy friends to do the same!

Who wants to be the recipient of something absolutely special from me? I will begin working on the gifts after the first of the year.

My Christmas Angel

2008-12-13T03:50:00.005-05:00

I was telling someone this week about a visit I had several years ago from a Christmas Angel. When I tell this story to people I can often tell that they think I am crazy, on crack, or am suffering from any number of delusional illnesses. I assure you that none of those are true. If you are not a believer, I hope that you have an opportunity to have a visit such as I had. He didn't have "Christmas Angel" written all over him. It was a "knowing" and until you have it yourself you can never understand it. When and if you get such a visit, you'll just "know". I wish such a visit for each and every one of you. Be open....miracles are everywhere and in these trying times I have to believe they will be in abundance.

In telling this story this week, I was reminded that many of my new friends here have not heard it. So, I'm reposting it from my old AOL Journal. If it's old news to you, I apologize, but it's one of my favorites and I love to share it, so here is my story:

And now here we are with another Christmas almost upon us. Unbelievable! Unbelievable? Not on your life. When it comes to believing, I'm the biggest kid there is. I truly do believe in Santa, and angels, and miracles, not necessarily in that order, but come to think of it, I believe in them all equally so it doesn't matter which order I put them in.
Several years ago I had a Christmas Angel come to my rescue in the form of a burly man with a lock jimmy in a cold, rainy parking lot on Christmas Eve when I was absolutely worn out and had locked my keys in my car. I had been shopping all day and was making my last stop at the grocery store on my way home. I was short on nerves, energy, patience, joy and money by the time I pulled into the parking spot on that very cold rainy day. I jumped out of the car and shut the door and instantly realized that I had locked the keys inside. I literally buried my face in my hands and made a 360 degree turn standing by my car as I cried out "Oh NOOOO!" In the space of the 3 to 4 seconds that it took me to make that turn my angel appeared. He was standing on the other side of my car by the passenger door and he had a lock jimmy in his hand. He said to me, "Don't worry ma'am, I've got ya". And just that quick he had my door open. This happened so quickly I cannot even tell you how quickly it happened. There was no way that anyone had time to call anyone. He was just there...with the tool needed and he opened my door. I thanked him with tears running down my face and was reaching for my purse to pay him but he wouldn't let me. He simply said, "Merry Christmas, ma'am." and as quickly as he had appeared, he was gone.

Yes, I believe in angels.

I've been doing a lot of reading about angels lately and I've learned to call on them daily. I ask the angels to surround each of my children and keep them safe every day. I imagine the bright light of angels surrounding them. I know that the angels are there. I ask the angels to surround our family and all those we love and care about.

As I'm putting my purse in my locker at work I ask the angels to surround me as I go about my shift and to give me knowledge and a sharp mind that I won't miss something as I assess my patients. I ask the angels to surround each of my patients and to give them comfort and healing. I can tell you, honestly, that my shifts go better when I do this.
I've mentioned before here that I have been at the bedside of many dying patients and that the presence of angels is a palpable thing at those times. I know it as surely as I know my own name.

We are all in need of angels and I believe we all have them. I also believe that we don't call on them nearly as often as we could and should. God gave them to us and they love to be called upon.

Tonight we put up our tree and decorated it while listening to the Alabama Christmas CD that has been a tradition at our house since the 1980's (it was so long ago that we used to do it to the album). I truly believe that every year I get more choked up than the last because the memories of my now grown children hanging these same ornaments that we hung tonight grow dearer and dearer in my heart. Tonight I watched Austin hang the ornaments with the same excitement that I used to see on their little faces and it made me so homesick for those little faces. And just as I was feeling sad that they were all grown up and weren't here with me participating in the decorating of the tree, I realized that God is so good. I could be decorating this tree by myself just remembering what it was like to decorate a tree with my precious excited children. But I wasn't alone. There was my little Austin, singing along with me and talking about each of the ornaments just as Patrick, Emily and Sarah had done. How dare I be sad? I was about to miss out on enjoying what I did have by worrying about what I didn't have. And just as that thought popped into my head I realized that angels abound in my life. And I asked them once again to surround my children with the white light of their protection and love.

If you're reading this, I pray that angels surround you and those that you love.

TODAYS HCG COUNT!!!!!

2008-12-11T16:13:00.003-05:00

Sarah just called with her latest numbers.....1999!!!!!!!!! Ultrasound next Wednesday. I am so hoping for two! The number is supposed to double every other day, hers have more than doubled!

To hear the joy in her voice is such a gift. She is going to be the best Mommy!

To say that I appreciate your prayers and thoughts would be such an understatement. This baby (babies!) is going to belong to everyone!

The nurse as her own patient

2008-12-11T12:52:00.004-05:00

I worked my 16.5 hr shift on Tuesday night. I started dragging much sooner than usual and I was chalking it up to not sleeping enough on Monday. I don't think my bed has ever felt so good to me as mine did when I crawled into it yesterday morning at 8:15. At 10:30 I woke up with that horrible feeling that my stomach was not going to hold on to anything I'd put in it in the past 24 hours. You know that way that your mouth starts watering and you just know that your soon going to be on your knees in front of the porcelain pedestal, yeah that one! I don't think there is another person on the planet that hates to throw up more than I do. I mean some people will run their finger down their throat to get it over with already. I am the complete opposite of that. I will bargain with God, sell my children or anything else that comes to mind at such a time to avoid that disgusting exercise. So, I did deep breathing exercises, prayed, bargained, cried (yes, I cried!), and then remembered I had some Phenergan suppositories left over from a surgery 5 yrs ago in the refrigerator. So I did the suppository thing (sorry, just keeping it real here!) in a few minutes my mouth stopped that awful watering and then the cold chills hit. So I did my very favorite thing by climbing into a very deep and hot bathtub. This was my undoing!!! I managed to fall asleep in that hot bath for about 1/2 hour. All of a sudden the feeling came back with a vengeance! Why, because I got HOT. Oh Lord, I couldn't get out of that bathtub quick enough! I tried to get myself dried off and throw my nightgown over my head on my way to the porcelain pedestal. Suffice it to say that I wasn't able to do so many things at once. So there I was half dressed, still wet from my bath and assuming the position with absolutely no dignity. It wasn't pretty people, it wasn't pretty at alllll.

So the rest of the day yesterday I slept the sleep of the dead. When I woke up around 4:00 I had a fever, and felt muscles aching that I had forgotten that I even had. What a great way to spend my day off in between 16.5 hr shifts. I took some Advil and went back to sleep and slept fitfully from 5:00 pm till 11:00 this morning. My stomach feels much better and my fever is gone but I sure don't feel like working 16.5 hours tonight. But, nurses aren't' allowed to be sick so I'm getting ready to get my shower and hit it again.

I just talked to Sarah Kate and she had her blood drawn at 10:00 this morning and should have results around 2:30. I will let you know what her numbers were. She is still feeling nauseated and very tired so we're still very optimistic. I can't wait to hear from her. I will post an update from work later so you all won't have to wait till tomorrow to hear.

UPDATE: The census went down at the hospital! Staffing office just called and put me on call for the first 8 hours of my shift tonight. Thank you, God! I have until 11:00 to get back on top of my game!

My Christmas Present Came Early!!!!!!

2008-12-07T20:46:00.002-05:00

Okay, so here's the scoop! As I've mentioned before we are big Bengal fans around here. You can stop laughing now! This has been THE most dismal season in memory and believe me when you're a Bengal fan that's sayin' something! So anyway, we usually go over to Bennie and Sarah's to watch the games. We haven't done that in several weeks because, well, see above comment about dismal season! I just had to go over there today so we loaded up and went. As soon as I laid eyes on her I knew my hunch was correct. But I didn't say a word! After we were there an hour or so Bennie, bless his heart, came over and sat down beside me and showed me a little stick with 2 pink lines on it. (Much brighter pink lines ,by the way, than the last time). I wish you could have seen the smile on his face! So, I jumped up and said, "I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT!". He wasn't supposed to tell me, but he couldn't hold it in! (I love that guy!) So, the news is this. She is 4 weeks pregnant and she had her first check of hcg levels on Friday. Remember last time when they wanted it to be 100 and it was only 2. This time, they wanted it to be 100 and it was 175!! Not only that, but she's having all the physical symptoms which she's never had before. When she complained of being nauseous I said that was "music to my ears"!!! She even looks different! She will have an ultrasound in about 2 weeks. Oh, and there were 2 eggs!!!! Could be a double blessing or even more, who knows. We are not telling anyone else in the family until Christmas, but I could not possibly keep this news from you guys. All of our (and your) prayers have worked and we can't stop praying now. I wish I could hug each and every one of you. I couldn't wait to get on this computer and let you all know. You're the best!

I don't even know what day it is anymore!!

2008-12-07T00:00:00.002-05:00

The hospital where I work is merging with another hospital and it has played havoc with my life! Our pay periods are in two week increments and I used to work 16 hours one week and 24 hours the next. I was working evening shift 3pm to 11 pm. That qualified me for insurance. Well, with the merger my cost for insurance was going to be about $75.00 more per pay period unless I increased my hours to 60 per pay period. Soooo, with the economy being what it is and my husband's business taking major hits I decided that it was time to bite the bullet and just go whole hog and jump up to 40 hours per week. The problem was though that if I worked 5 evenings a week I would never see Austin. And if I went to day shift (have I told you all how I'm soooooooo not a morning person!?!?) I would lose the $4.00/hr shift differential. So I put on my thinking cap and came up with what sounded like a brilliant idea (emphasis on sounded like). I proposed to my manager that I work two double shifts a week on Tuesdays and Thursdays and just stay on eight hour shifts on my weekends (every other weekend). She agreed to my proposal and the insanity started this past Tuesday. I go in at 3pm and don't get off until 7:30 am the next day. What in the world was I thinking? I did, however, survive my first week and thanks be to all that is holy this happened to be my weekend off and I'm trying to recover! I've decided that this is just going to be one of those mind over matter things and I am determined to make it work. When I got off work yesterday morning it was pretty nice to realize that I'd only gone to work twice and had 4 days worth of hours already. Sooo, if you read something I've written here some day and you think that maybe it sounds a little wacky....chalk it up to sleep deprivation! In the meantime....please pray for my sanity! lol

I also want to tell you all about something that I'm pretty sure is in the works around here. My daughter, Emily, kind of let it slip to me last week that Sarah and Bennie made another attempt at artificial insemination a few weeks ago. I haven't asked Sarah about it. I knew after the last miscarriage that she would not tell anyone the next time she was pregnant until she was far enough along that she felt safe. I completely understand that and for that reason have not asked any questions. However, my Mom radar has been on high alert! lol

I was talking to Sarah on the phone yesterday and I swear I could hear it in her voice! So, later, being the super-sleuth mother that I am I checked out her My Space page. And guess what she had written there? "Sarah is a very happy girl", and she listed her mood as "grateful". Then, sneaky thing that I am, I meandered over to her Facebook page and sure enough the message there said, "Sarah is very happy". I know my girl and I know that only good lab numbers and ultrasound results would warrant those comments. I think I know what we're getting for Christmas! So, I'm praying that this little miracle has a good tight hold in there and that by Christmas Sarah and Bennie will be breathing easier and are able to finally celebrate. I will keep you all posted and I thank you for all the prayers that have been said for them. Please don't stop.

Every journey starts with a single step...

2008-11-29T12:37:00.001-05:00

I have been doing a lot of reading and thinking and therapy and working on myself lately. One of the things that I've found out the hard way is that things that we refuse to deal with, process and work out have a way of making you deal with them. One day we just come face to face with what isn't working and we either find a way to cope with them (deny and ignore) or find a way to work through them. I've chosen to work through them and that decision is making all the difference. As time goes on I will share those pieces of that that I can and I will try to share what I learn along the way. In the meantime, I want to share some books that I've been reading that have helped me tremendously and they are books that anyone can find inspiration from. You don't have to be depressed, in a crisis, or having anything "wrong" in your life to benefit from these books. In fact, I wish I'd read these books a long time ago.

THE ROAD LESS TRAVELLED M. Scott Peck
FURTHER ALONG THE ROAD LESS TRAVELLED M. Scott Peck
WELCOME TO YOUR CRISIS Laura Day
REPOSITION YOURSELF T.D. Jakes

There are other books, but I will share those later. I am also seeing a therapist and it's one of the greatest tools I've found. It is important to find a therapist that you can feel comfortable with and that you feel safe to share your deepest unspoken thoughts with. Something happens in the therapist's office that is unexplainable. When we speak our truth we often hear it for the first time ourselves. I'm leaning about tools to heal the hurt parts deep inside of me that I've never verbalized before. It's one of the greatest gifts I've ever given myself. My therapist's name is Chuck and I have come to think of Tuesdays as "Tuesdays with Chuck". I look forward to going and every time I've been amazed by at least three things that I hear coming out of my mouth that I hadn't even realized I had hidden deep inside of me. Here I am fifty years old and I feel like for the first time in my life I'm finding out who I am and how to take care of myself.

Life is a journey. We all take meandering paths down very different roads at different times in our lives on the way to becoming our authentic selves. Some of us take longer than others to start the journey. But what I've learned is that a crisis, or a depression can be the best thing that can happen to us. When we are faced with our inability to cope with something and we feel broken and lost in the middle of the road there is nothing left to do except reach out for help and try to find a map to get us back on the road in our journey. That's where I've been the past several weeks. I will attempt, at times, to share some of what I'm learning here in the hope that my struggles, my journey and the things that I discover along the way can help someone else realize that the journey and the pain are worth it.

I promise not to turn this journal into doom and gloom, I"m most definitely not a doom and gloom kind of gal. There will be happy things to report and hopefully some funny stories to share, but I'm trying to learn to speak my truth (in as much as I can in a public forum), to stand up for myself and to demand better of myself. This will not be easy for me but I know it to be necessary. I know that the journey will never be complete, that it will be an ongoing trek for as long as I breathe, but I also know that every mile that I complete will bring me closer to the person that God intended for me to be and that along the way many gifts await.

In keeping with the new journey....I'm changing the look around here. There may be many changes until I find the look that feels like me. The theme here is all about accepting change...here we go!!!

Sharin' the love...

2008-11-28T23:22:00.000-05:00

Just when I'm trying to get over the shock of receiving the Superior Scribblers Award I discover that some of you dear people have nominated me for the Marie Antoinette Award! My goodness! Things like this just don't happen to ME!

I want to thank

Cindi from WISHING FOR MY TURN http://wishingformyturn.blogspot.com/2008/11/marie-antoinette-award.html

Karen from KBears Heart 2 http://kbearsheart2.blogspot.com/

and

Wes From Life is What it is Sometimes http://lifeiswhatitissometimes.blogspot.com/2008/11/marie-antoinette-real-person-real-award.html

for nominating me. Their faith in me astounds me!!

So, now it's my turn to nominate 7 people for the Marie Antoinette Award. I love this because I had to leave out some of my favorite journals earlier and I get to tell you about 7 more of my favorites. I wish I could nominate at least 10 more, but the rules are the rules. Please stop by these journals and leave them some love. I know that they will become some of your favorites too.

Marc from Grains of Sand http://grainsofsand-poetic-marc.blogspot.com/ I've been reading Marc for several years and he never ceases to amaze me with the masterpieces he paints with words. He is such a gentle soul and has such a way with words. You don't just read Marc's journal, you go along on the trip with him.

Paul from Brininess and Volubility http://waterboywriting.blogspot.com/ I'm not sure how I found this journal but I love it and am always excited when I see a new post up. Paul is a retired English teacher who has fine taste in music, goes on some really neat trips which he thankfully shares in his journal and has some wonderful stories about his character of a mother, lovingly referred to as Grammy. (I love the Grammy stories!)

Leslie from 2807 Sunflower Lane http://2807sunflowerlane.blogspot.com/ Leslie is the Queen of Celebrations! This gal takes decorating to a brand new level. Make sure you go back and see all of her Halloween preparations. I think the White House should hire her immediately and put her in charge of all things celebratory! Plus, she has great taste in dogs!!

Janie from There is only 1 today http://thereisonly1today.blogspot.com/ Janie is one of those people who just makes you smile. I love reading about her adventures with her animals and just soaking up the sunshine that reading her gives me. Her place will just make you feel good. What more could you ask for.

De from Where Do I Go From Here http://desthoughts.blogspot.com/ De is a fellow nurse and just an all round good person so deserving of this award. You will read about her friends and her life with her son and you'll smile, a lot. And you'll cheer for her! Please cheer for her!!!

Ada from One Way Trip http://onewaytrip18.blogspot.com/ Ada writes with such candor and honesty and I always look forward to new posts from her. I love her spirit and you will too.

Jeanie from Adventures of an Eclectic Mind http://adventuresofaneclecticmind.blogspot.com/ You'll learn some pretty neat stuff on Jeanie's journal. And if you like horses (and who among us doesn't) you'll enjoy reading about her horse.

The Rules:1. Please put the logo in your blog2. Place a link from the person, from whom you received the award3. Nominate at least 7 or more4. Put the links of those on your blog5. Leave a message on their blog to let them know

Oh my gosh, Thank you, Debbie!

2008-11-25T02:23:00.000-05:00

Note to self: The next time you spend a very long time on an entry....make sure you don't forget you're on battery power and then walk away for a second only to see the screen fading to hibernate as you watch all your work go down the tubes. Grrrrr!

I cannot tell you how surprised I was to get a message from Debbie over at http://boondocksflapdoodleandbeyond.blogspot.com/ Boondocks, Flapdoodle and Beyond telling me that she'd nominated me for the Superior Scribbler's Award! I've been not so good lately at keeping up with things here and I truly don't deserve this award but I sure was touched by her faith in me! Thank you Debbie...I'll try to earn it.

So here is how this works:

1. - Post the award on your journal.
2. - Link back to the one who nominated you.
3. - Link back to the originating post for a list of rules
4. -Give this award to 5 other people that you feel fit the criteria of this award.

I present this Superior Scribbler Award to:

Judi http://emmapeeldallas.blogspot.com/ Talking to Myself

Judi is my "separated at birth twin sister", I've been following Judi's journal for several years and I just love her! She and I think so much a like and have so many interest in common. I love the way she tells a story (and she's got some good ones!) I love reading about her life and the food she cooks and the monumental DIY home projects she takes on...you just won't believe what this woman can do!!! You've got to see her journal if for no other reason than to see her beautiful grandson, Zander! If I could have one magic carpet ride I'd go to Judi's and eat dinner with her in her beautiful home and just enjoy her company. Do yourself a favor and go visit Judi. Thanks, Judi, for being such a great friend to me.

Indigo http://deafscreams.blogspot.com/ Scream Quietly

Indigo will inspire you and make you think. I love reading her journal. She is so honest and warm. You'll love her. And let me tell you there is nothing like getting a note from Indgo telling you that she is praying for you on the smoke. I am so grateful for those prayers. She's special, and you owe it to yourself to read her. Thank you, Indigo for being the special woman that you are and for taking me into your circle.

Linda http://lindapoohsthotfulspot.blogspot.com/ My Thotful Spot

Linda is one of those people that just warms your heart from the start. She is such a neat lady and I'm so grateful that I found her journal. I love reading about Marv and Mandy and her fur baby, Abby, and her grand fur baby, Maddie. Oh, and prepare to rediscover your love for Winnie the Pooh! It's a fun place! Thank you Linda for the warm friendship you've offered and for being the sweet, sweet spirit that you are.

Cindi http://wishingformyturn.blogspot.com/ Wishing for My Turn

Cindi is such a sweet person and she gives you wonderful "Sunday Sayings". (I'm a quote junkie!) She is always to be counted on for something positive to say and it's a good place to stop by for a "cheer up". Oh, and she just moved into a new house and it's fun to hear how she's putting it all together. Thanks, Cindi for your cheerful disposition and those wonderful quotes and cute country graphics.

Monica http://monicasmindlessmutterings.blogspot.com/ Monica Monica's Mindless Mumblings

Monica is a photographer and I absolutely love to see her photographs. She also writes very well and sends the most heartfelt messages just when you really need one! You'll enjoy reading Monica and just wait till you see her fur baby, Toby!!! Monica is just a great gal, so wander on over there and say hello. You'll be glad that you did. Thanks Monica for being so very nice and when I grow up, I want to take pictures like you!

Darn, that's my five and I have others I want to nominate! Just look in the right sidebar and check out all of my friends. They are the best.

I am blessed to know such wonderful people

2008-11-14T12:37:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I've made an entry here. I have received some of the kindest comments and emails from you, my friends and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate them.

First of all Sarah and Bennie are doing well. Looking forward to the baby that they will eventually hold in their arms. It will happen, we all know that. They will make wonderful loving parents. Thank you so much for your prayers and thoughts for them. It warms my heart.

I am not so good at sharing unhappy things in my life. I guess I heard that old adage, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything." too many times. I am going through a rough patch and I find that I just can't write about it publicly. I have gone through a depression before and managed to fight my way out of it over time and I'm sure that I will do it again. These are hard times for a lot of people. Sometimes it just feels like everything hits at one time and it takes us a while to get our footing and turn our thoughts around. I'm working on doing that, and some day soon I will get back to my normal cheerful self. In the meantime, if I can't come here and say something uplifting and positive I will not post anything. This will perhaps make me search for the good things.

One of the good things that I've found recently is a book that I just finished. I recommend it to everyone. The book is "The Road Less Travelled". Do yourself a favor and read this book. Read it slowly and digest it. It's helping me. I hope it helps you too.

Thank you all for your kind comments and emails. They have warmed my heart and brightened my days. What a wonderful community.

Update on Sarah

2008-10-10T02:13:00.000-04:00

First of all I want to thank each and every one of you who left comments and offered prayers for Sarah Kate and Bennie. It was so heartwarming to see the warmth and concern that exists here in this community. I can never ever tell you all how much it has meant to me. You guys are the greatest.

She had her blood work today and the hcg level was less than 2. So, of course we're resigned to the fact that there will be no baby this time. I remain convinced that they will eventually be successul and when that little miracle baby is finally in their (and mine!) arms God will get all the glory. And this Grandma will drive you all crazy with pictures galore!

Blessings to all of you....from the bottom of my heart.

This is an entry I didn't want to do

2008-10-09T02:17:00.000-04:00

I have avoided making this entry. Wasn't sure that I would. Still don't know if I should do it just now but something just doesn't feel right about not doing it now. Maybe some extra prayers and good energy sent her way will help out. Lord only knows I've been praying for them.

You all already know about Sarah and Bennie's struggle with infertility and her miscarriage in April. The thing is that when you're going through infertility treatment it's all about science. Well, that's not entirely true, I believe that God's hand is very much involved. Anyway, what I mean is that there are constant blood tests, ultrasounds to check on the size of eggs, embarrassing trips to little rooms for Bennie to do "his part", medications to take, sterile clinical settings to endure, and countless hours spent in the grip of worry and anxiety. What should be a wonderful time in a couple's life becomes a very stressful and expensive exercise in seeming futility.

The reason that their news was supposed to be secret for now is because they find out they're pregnant so very soon. They know because the infertility doctor's are so on top of what is going on almost every day after the insemination. It has only been two weeks since the insemination. She felt so bad last time that she had told people and then she felt bad that so many people had to feel so bad for them when she miscarried. She wanted to spare other people the sadness this time if it didn't work out. I haven't told any other family or friends (just you guys).

In April she told me everything that was going on daily and I anxiously awaited the pregnancy test with her. This time, because she wanted to spare me the anxiety of those days, I didn't know that they had made another attempt. She wasn't going to tell me until she was at least 8 weeks along. But bless her heart, she was so excited she couldn't keep the news to herself. And I'm glad that she didn't. When she told me Sunday that she was pregnant she told me that she was having more blood work drawn on Tuesday to check her hcg level. They wanted that number to be at least 100. It was only 7. Her doctor told her to come back on Thursday and they would redraw it. They are absolutely heartbroken. I, being the eternal optimist that I am, said that maybe the little swimmers had swam an extra day or two and maybe, just maybe her hcg level hadn't had time yet to climb. She wasn't buying it. She sounds resigned to the fact that she's lost another pregnancy. She has terrible endometriosis, cysts on her ovary and a scarred tube on the other side. It seems they are easily able to get her pregnant with the insemination but she can't seem to sustain the pregnancy.

Tomorrow, she will go for the blood work. I will look forward to and at the same time dread the phone call that I will receive at some point tomorrow. We need a miracle here.

I am not above asking for prayers and miracles.

Tom Hanks was wrong

2008-10-06T22:48:00.000-04:00

I'm going to re post something from my old AOL journal. This is a piece that is special to me and I want to make sure it's incorporated here in my new journal. This was written in 2002 but the emotion of the day is never far from my heart. It was one of those landmark days in our life. It will also give you a better introduction to my son, Patrick. I wish that everyone in the world could have a Patrick in their life. His heart is pure solid gold.

Well, the Chicago White Sox won the wold series! I love it when underdogs win things. Of course, if the Astro's had won it would have been cool too. I would be more excited if the Cubbies had been the Chicago team to win, but oh well. Anyway, with so much baseball news in my ears lately I've been reliving my baseball memories of my son, Patrick. He was an absolutely great player. People who watched him play for years still cannot believe that he wasn't drafted by the pros. The dream of his life was to play professional baseball. He would have done it for free even. But, it wasn't meant to be for whatever reason. I went back and dug up a piece that I wrote right after his last college game three years ago. By reading it below, I hope you get a feel for him and what a neat guy he is, but mostly I think that this puts into words how very much I love him.

Saturday I sat bundled in layers of clothes and blankets along the fence behind third base. It was biting cold and spitting sleet and rain. I wouldn't have left my place for the warmth of the car for a million dollars. It was, what turned out to be my beloved son's last baseball game. It was the championship game of the NCAA North Central Region Tournament- Division ll (Baseball), the winner would advance to the Division ll World Series in Alabama. Our boys had lost the first game on Thursday and had fought their way back up through the losers bracket on Friday to be here. We were #2 seed, Ashland University was #1. It was a double elimination tournament, we'd lost one already, they hadn't lost any. We would have to beat them twice that day. Without going into a boring play by play of the game, I will simply say our boys lost. They've come from behind many times to win a crucial game, I wasn't really worried. Somewhere in the eighth inning it began to dawn on me that we probably weren't going to win this time. With that realization came the gut-wrenching epiphany that I was watching my son's last game. I couldn't even breathe for a second. I watched him play third base trying to burn that picture into my mind. I wanted to catch every detail, every movement, every mannerism that makes him unique. I was trance-like, blinking away tears and praying, yes praying that he could have just one more game.This might seem silly to a lot of people. Some might argue that it's just a stupid game. They don't know my son. They don't know that his first word ever was "ball". They don't know that this child of my heart has lived, breathed, slept, and eaten baseball since he was old enough to know what a baseball was. The don't know the sacrifices he's made to play America's game. They don't know that baseball has been his life, his dream, his love. But I knew. I knew how badly he wanted to win that game. I knew how much he dreaded the last out to come in the ninth inning. I knew, and my heart was breaking for him. It wasn't to be. We lost 6-2. After the game coach took the team a little behind third base for their usual post-game huddle. We, the parents of the eight seniors on the team stood huddled, watching, tears streaming down all our faces, unified in our unspoken understanding of what this meant to these boys; to ourselves. This was it. The end of a 16 year era in our lives. The end of little boys' dreams. Coach talked to them for about 5 minutes. As he and the coaching staff turned to walk back to the dug-out they were wiping tears. The underclassmen followed close behind, dry eyed. The image of what was left of that huddle behind third base will never leave me. Eight tough-guy athletes, arms around each other, crying. Not because they'd lost a game, but because it was their last.It seemed an eternity that they huddled there, holding on to one another, as we their parents stood helplessly watching their hearts break. Finally, they headed back to the dug-out, wiping their eyes, gathering their gear, hugging coaches. One by one the seniors headed out to where we were. I thought my heart would break as I watched sons and Dads and Moms grabbing each other and just holding on wordlessly because words weren't necessary. My Patrick was the last one out. His Dad walked up to meet him halfway, they grabbed each other, they cried, I knew my heart was breaking. I couldn't move, I could only stand there, tears silently streaming down my face, watching my son walk away for the last time from his favorite place on earth, a baseball field. He walked towards me, arms reaching and tears streaming. I couldn't find the words I wanted to say. Couldn't come up with a Mom ism to give him comfort. I could only squeeze him and say "I love you". I wanted to tell him how proud I was of him, what a good and loving kid he was, how much fun we'd had over the years through all of our baseball travels, what good memories he'd given us, what a good sport he'd always been, and how very lucky I was to be his Mom, but I couldn't talk. He held on to me for a long time, squeezing hard and just before he let go he said, "Thanks Mom, for everything". Tom Hanks was wrong. There is crying in baseball.

Thanks for keeping my secret!

2008-10-06T22:45:00.000-04:00

What a great bunch you guys are! I loved your comments about that which must not be said. I promise that as soon as I'm allowed I will tell more. Not that I've TOLD anything yet at ALL! I don't think my feet have touched the ground all day just thinking about my little secret that I'm not allowed to tell yet.

I'm not telling any secrets.....

2008-10-05T23:03:00.000-04:00

I can keep a secret. I want you all to know that. Let me repeat that, this girl can keep a secret! I'm not telling what I know! No way, you're not getting it out of me!

We ususally go to my daughter Sarah Kate's to watch the Bengal's games. We are big Bengal fans but my daughter and son in law, Bennie, are over the top Bengal fans. So their house is Bengal Central on game days. I took a roast and some green beans over and she had some things to add to a meal so we made it a dinner-game-party. My son Patrick and his soon to be bride, Amber were there as well. We watched the game and cheered, and groaned, and hoped, and got our hopes up, and had our hopes dashed and well, that's just how it is when you're a Bengals fan, what can I say? We had fun though.

Back in April, Sarah had a miscarriage. They have infertility problems and had finally managed to get pregnant with artificial insemination . We were absolutely thrilled and looking forward to a baby this winter. To say that the miscarriage was a very sad thing for them would be an understatement. Our hearts broke for them. Just in the recent past three of her cousins have had babies and two of them just announced that they were pregnant again. Sarah is also a nurse and works in a pediatric practice so she is around babies all day long. Her co-workers have had a bumper crop of babies lately too. But what a trooper she is. She is happy for everyone, truly. I'm sure that she has shed many tears when no one could see, but to the world she shows a smile and sincere joy for those with babies. My Sarah Kate is so precious.

Sarah called me this morning but I'm not allowed to tell anyone what she told me. Remember, I said this girl could keep a secret. Well, I am NOT telling you what she told me. Nope, not me. Forget it, it won't work, I'm not sayin'.

You know, watching football and cheering for a losing team is very thirsty work. One tends to drink a lot of Diet Coke while cheering and hoping. One sometimes drinks so much Diet Coke that they find that they have to use the bathroom. Did you know that? Well, it's true. Sarah has a really pretty bathroom. I like to look around at the things she has on display in there when I have occasion to go in there. And wouldn't you know...today I saw something new that wasn't there the last time I visited her bathroom. I was just wondering what this strange thing could be and I had this amazing thought! I thought, "I know, I'll ask my friends on the Internet if THEY know what this strange new piece of decor could be. Soooo....I'm asking!

Remember.....I DIDN'T say a word!

Introductions

2008-10-04T02:52:00.000-04:00

While backing up some of my FTP files on AOL I came across some pictures that I had posted in my old journal. Seeing some of them reminded me that while those that followed my AOL journal knew me and my family, many of my new friends here don't. So, if you're interested I'll post some of those pictures and some others here to introduce you to my family. The picture above is one of my absolute favorites. It was taken about 6 years ago at my niece's wedding.

First a little background: We live in Northern Kentucky, about 10 miles south of Cincinnati, Ohio. I just turned 50 years old this summer (gosh that hurts to admit!) and in June my husband Jimmy and I had our 30th wedding anniversary. We had three children in pretty quick succession starting in 1980 and finished up in 1983. Well, actually that's not accurate! We THOUGHT we finished up in 1983. We learned that the old adage "We plan - God laughs" is verrry true! In 1998 at the ripe old age of 40 with our son Patrick in his senior year of high school, our daughter Emily a sophomore and our "baby" Sarah Kate a freshman, the rabbit died!! My whole identity to this point in my life had been being a mother. I know without a doubt that is what I was put on this earth to be and do. My children were absolutely my life and heart. But friends at this point in my life I was absolutely and completely worn out! So, when I did my little thing on that stick and it turned pink in 2 seconds instead of the 3 minutes it was supposed to take I absolutely fell apart. I literally saw my life pass before my very eyes! I did what any self respecting 40 year old mother of three teenagers would do at such a time. I bawled my eyes out! My husband and children were downstairs patiently awaiting the results of one of the biggest tests of my life. When I came downstairs crying they knew what the results were and they were thrilled beyond belief. I thought and said, "You're all crazy, I can't do this"! By saying that I don't mean to imply that I ever considered an abortion. I didn't. I just could not imagine how in the world I could manage a baby at this stage of my life. I had been imagining the park bench that I was going to be parking my behind on in a few years when I finally had these three kids raised and it was soooo within view. It instantly moved on down the road about 1,000 miles and I was none to happy about that! I cried for 4 months.

Finally, one day I realized that I would have a little believer again at Christmas. Then I began to remember how many times I'd wished that I could take each of my children back to their baby stage and savor every minute of that time instead of letting it go by in a blur (moral here is: be careful what you wish for!). Anyway, long story short, in October of 1998, with Patrick away at college in Florida and Emily and Sarah well into their sophomore and junior years of high school, the absolute gift of all our lives, Austin Barret was born. And to say the least, none of our lives have ever been the same since. That little guy is getting ready to celebrate his 10th birthday and the "first litter" as I call them are all grown up. You will be hearing about all of them as I keep up this journal because they all remain "my heart".

Patrick and Austin with our Golden Retriever Tucker

Patrick and Austin on Bengal game day (Big Bengal fans here...pray for us!)

All my kiddo's taken this summer when Emily was home from Florida.

Emily and Austin playing around this summer.

My husband, Jimmy walking Sarah Kate down the aisle in June 2005

Sarah Kate with Austin.

Sometimes you just can't win!

2008-10-03T11:36:00.001-04:00

Just in case the AOL journal transfer doesn't go so well, I'm going to find some of the posts from my old journal and move them over here so I don't lose them. Here is one of them:

We have a varied mix of patients at the hospital at any given time. For the most part they are very friendly and appreciative of what we do for them. Occasionally we run into someone who is just so soured on life in general that they set out to make everyone as miserable as they are. I like it when I have those grumpy patients. Yes, that's right, I said I liked having them. I look at them as a challenge and love to win them over to my side. Everyone I work with knows that I enjoy that particular patient and they usually try to give me a shot at them.
A couple of weeks ago I was getting report and the day shift nurse laughed as she told me that she had the perfect patient for me. She went on to tell me that he was a very grumpy man and that nothing anyone did could make him happy. He was admitted for CHF a couple of days before and was doing very well clinically. His labs were great, his lungs were much improved and he would probably go home the following day. The problem with him was his nasty attitude and hiccups. Yes, that's right, hiccups! Apparently he is plagued with them. He told her that he had had them for 3 weeks and that when he has them at home he takes a certain medicine for them. She had put a call out to his doctor and asked for an order for the medication to give him. After a couple of hours (which is about normal call back time for his doctor) the doctor called back and gave an order for the medication in IV form. She wrote the order and sent it to pharmacy. It took the pharmacy about an hour to get the medication up to our floor. When it arrived she brought in the IV pump, tubing, and medication and was going to administer it to him. He threw a fit! "I don't want it now, you can just use it yourself! I asked for that medication over three hours ago! You people are terrible! Just take it away, I don't want it!" She tried to explain to him that it takes a while to get the order and then get the medication from pharmacy. She told him how sorry she was that it had taken so long but that it had been out of her control. He would have none of it. He continued to berate her and went on to obstinate and almost verbally abusive to her.She left the pump with the medication in his room even though he'd asked her to remove it from his room. So now, I was the lucky one to get to reenter his room and try to calm him down.
Before I even entered his room I said a prayer that God would give me the right words and the right attitude to make him happy. I made sure that I had a big smile on my face and went in there very calm and serene. He was lying on his bed with his eyes closed but I didn't think that he was asleep. I very gently touched his arm and said his name. He opened his eyes and looked at me like I had three heads. I introduced myself and told him I would be his nurse until 11:00 pm. I noticed that he still had his hiccups and after taking his blood pressure and doing his physical assessment, commented on how miserable it must be to have hiccups for so long. I asked him if I could hook up the IV so that we could get the medicine into him. The order had been for the first bag of meds to be given over an hour and if he still had the hiccups one hour after that infusion to give him one more bag of meds. He became very angry as he told me about how he'd asked for the medication long ago and that it had taken too long to get it and that the nurse from day shift had not taken good care of him. He ranted and he raved and I was determined not to let him get to me. He said that they might as well not put call buttons on the beds because no one comes when you push it anyway. He was just livid and nothing I was saying was getting through to him. I had to fight every impulse not to snap back at him. I've had many unpleasant patients, this guy took the cake! He was one of those people that just loves to be miserable. I think he wanted to see me upset so that he could justify his position. I would not give him the satisfaction. The meaner he got, the nicer I got. I am a toucher by nature and I gently touched his arm as I talked to him. I told him that I was sorry that he'd had such a bad day and that I was sorry that it had taken so long to get his medicine. I told him that day shift was over and that we were going to start over brand new with my shift. I promised him that I was going to the nurses' station and telling them that I wanted to be notified immediately if his call light came on. I finally convinced him to let me start the infusion and asked him if there was anything that I could bring him right then, a drink, a snack, anything. He asked for a Sprite and I RAN to get it for him. I went to the nurses' station and told them to call me, not the nurses' aide if his call light came on.
After the infusion was complete he still had the hiccups. I told him that in an hour we could run the other infusion. He would have none of it. "Just forget it, I don't want it!" Nothing I said could convince him to give it a try. He would rather have something to complain about was what I deduced from it. But still, I smiled and was nice to him. I didn't wait for his light to go on, I kept checking in with him to see if he needed anything. Around 9:00 he said to me, "I guess Kim isn't coming tonight." I asked him if Kim was his wife and he said, "No, she's my girlfriend". I wondered who in their right mind would be his girlfriend!!! I said that I was sorry that she hadn't come to visit but maybe something had come up and she wasn't able to get there. He went on and on about how selfish she was and how he didn't care anyway.
About a half hour later my phone rang (we carry hospital cell phones), it was the nurses' station calling me to tell me that his family member was on the phone and wanted to talk to me. I took the call and it was "Kim". She was upset and said that he had told her that he had been asking for hiccup medicine all day and no one would give it to him. He also told her that he hadn't had anything at all to eat which I knew wasn't true because I had made it a point to take him his tray myself and I also picked it up when he was finished and he had eaten everything on his plate. Not to mention the times I'd been in there to offer him drinks and snacks. I explained to her about the IV medication and his refusal to let us give it, I told her about his supper tray and the snacks. She then sighed and said how she knew how hard he was to get along with. She said that what he was really mad about was that she hadn't come to visit him but that she had two jobs and just couldn't make it that night. I felt sorry for her all the while I wondered why she would stick around for the abuse he gave her.
Somehow we made it through the shift and I didn't once let him get my goat. I smiled every time I talked to him. and I was nothing but nice to him. The next evening when I came in I noticed that I didn't have him again. A good friend of mine, Melody had him and I explained to her how best to get along with him. She nodded knowingly and set about to see him. He was being discharged and she took his paperwork in for him to sign. A few hours later Melody came to me laughing. She said that she had discharged him and that he wasn't any happier than he'd been the previous day for me. But then she said this; "Melissa, do you know what he said about you? He told me that the nurse he had the evening before had to be "smoking grass" because NO ONE IS THAT NICE!!!!"
Go figure! Sometimes you just can't win. The old iceberg!

Weight Watchers and Jury Duty

2008-10-01T19:26:00.000-04:00

My life is nothing if not interesting!

I started Weight Watchers on Monday and have thought of nothing BUT food ever since. I'm learning the point values of every food imaginable and realize that I' ve been an absolute pig in the past compared to what I'm eating this week. I have points floating around in my mind every minute of the day! I get 21 points a day and let me tell you they get gobbled up really quickly. I can have all the cucumber, radishes, raw cauliflower, raw broccoli, and black coffee, water, and Diet Coke that I want. I'm now trying to figure out how to plant a vegetable garden in my bathtub to get me through the winter! The jury is still out as to how long I'm going to stick to this "points" business, it's exhausting. When I dieted before (about 11 yrs ago!) I simply did the low fat thing and kept my fat grams under 20 a day and lost weight very quickly. I also didn't seem to be as hungry as I am this time. I may end up going back to that method. I am thinking that I will give this system 2 or 3 weeks before I make up my mind. If I start chewing on my arm it may be sooner.

Speaking of juries; I have been in a Federal Court jury pool since May. I will be in this jury pool until next May or until I serve at least 20 days on a jury, which ever comes first. I take this responsibility very seriously and see it as my civic duty. I served on one jury in June for 4 days and we did reach a verdict. I enjoyed that trial and felt very good about the verdict we came to (we acquitted). The deal is that you receive a letter in the mail that instructs you to call a recorded message on a given day to see if you're to report for service the following day. I've received 3 such letters since that first trial and I have called just like I was supposed to on the day that I was instructed. All three of those times the case in question had been cancelled or postponed and was told not to report the next day. I have been very conscientious about doing this. Last night I even had the thought run through my head that it should be about time to receive another letter to report soon. This afternoon there was a knock on my front door. It was my mail carrier with a certified letter for me. I signed for the thing wondering what in the world it could be. Wellllll, it was from the Clerk for the United States District Court! I tore into it wondering why in the world they would send this one by certified mail. I got a very sick feeling when I read the following:

On September 29, 2008, the above petit jurors failed to appear for jury service as instructed by the court. Accordingly, it is hereby ORDERED (their caps, not mine!), that petit jurors whose juror numbers are listed above shall, within seven (7) days of the date of this Order, show cause in writing, as to why they should be not held in contempt for their failure to appear for jury service as directed by the Court. It is further ORDERED that the Clerk shall serve this Order by certified mail, return receipt requested, to the above Covington Petit Jurors at their respective addresses on file with the United States District Court Clerk's Office.

Well, I was a nervous wreck after reading this and wondered when the Marshalls were going to be showing up at my door to tear me from my home! I quickly found the correct phone number and called the Federal Court House. I finally got the right person on the phone and pled my case that I hadn't received a letter to report on September 29th and that if I had I would certainly have been there. Apparently I hadn't listened to the entire message when I called for instructions after I received my last letter at the beginning of August. The court clerk said that after we were told not to report the next day that there was a message that said we should call the recorded message again on September 28th for further instructions. I'm not saying that it didn't say that; I just don't remember that at all. I know that I listened to the entire message because I'm very aware that an order to report is a very serious thing. So, if it did tell me to call back on September 28 it simply got lost in the gray matter. Anyway, I don't think I'll be going to jail. The clerk told me to write a letter explaining why I didn't report and fax it to her office and she would make sure that the FEDERAL JUDGE got it. So now, I have to explain to the judge just why I'm so forgetful! This should be fun. I'll probably cry before I get it finished! She also informed me that I am to report for jury duty on October 8th unless I hear otherwise! Well, let me tell you that date is written down and I WILL NOT FORGET!

2008-09-30T23:54:00.000-04:00

Ok, let's try a bigger picture and a different layout. Hmmm...not sure. And hey, my eyes are bad, I need a bigger font! How do you do that? Oops, never mind I figured it out.

2008-09-30T23:47:00.000-04:00

Don't mind me, I'm just playing with all the bells and whistles around here and making sure I can get it to do what I want it to do. Not to mention that I think these impatiens will look great against the black background.

The J-Land Eviction

2008-09-30T23:21:00.001-04:00

So, I open my email tonight and discover that AOL is deleting our journals on October, 31. I wonder how long it will be before AOL is gone completely. My journal is nothing fancy and means nothing to anyone but me but darn I hate this. Just points out the fact that I should have moved to Blogger a long time ago when they put the ads on our journals.